Merry Christmas

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

- Garrison Keillor

Aunt Gertie

"Life is eternal, and love is immortal, and death is only a horizon; and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight." - Rossiter Worthington Raymond

The Last Thing I Needed, The First Thing This Morning...

….was to go back to work.

The long weekend has ended. Thanksgiving is past, but before I finish my construction paper chain which counts down the twenty five days till Christmas, thought I would check in with a November recap.

1. Which one is the turkey?

George pardoned "Flyer" which surprises me considering he did very little pardoning if any when governor of Texas. Is George getting soft on crime?

2. Deer Camp 2006: Lay off the doves but Bambi is fair game. After Prop 2 got turned down at the beginning of the month, people seem to have even more enthusiasm about going out into the north woods and bringing back a slab of venison. Now I’m not one for guns, but a fat dove sits on my bird feeder and honestly, I have considered what it would be like to point a gun at him. All the little finches and bluebirds don’t have a chance once he sets up shop. This physical representation of peace in my little microcosm won’t stop eating. He is a gluttonous eye sore and a bully to all the other birds. I’m not even sure how much longer my bird feeder will be able to hold him.

3. The Democrats are coming!… After twelve years of humility, the Democratic Party is in the majority. My conservative friends believe this is a sign of the apocalypse while my liberal buds are going around with stupid grins on their faces. I’m still on the fence. Politics has never been polarized for me. In the mean time I have been enjoying the ever complex infighting between Hoyer and Pelosi. These are two big democratic senators who just can’t get along. The Democratic Party is splintered and Fox News is having a field day over their lack of ability to get a consensus on what to do about the war. Realistically though, the Republicans never defined a good plan either, so give them a break. It’s only been a couple weeks…relax everyone. Rush Limbaugh is still a blubbering idiot so at least we can count on that.

Speaking of politics, as a joke a coworker gave me a bumper sticker this year that reads, “Don’t Blaim Me, I Voted Libertarian”.

4. Pam and Kid on the rocks. Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock are ending their four months of wedded bliss. Breaking up seems to be the in thing this November in Hollywood. Ryan Phillipe and Reese Witherspoon, Britney Spears and K-Fed….who’s next?

5. Mama Mia! Abba is getting a museum!! "It is nice that someone feels compelled to take on our musical history," the four members said in a joint statement. "We think this will be a fun and swinging museum to visit." It will be in Stockholm to open in 2008. If I ever get to Sweden this is the first place I am going to go. I have seen the movie “Muriel’s Wedding”, watched the musical “Mama Mia!”, danced to “Dancing Queen” a thousand times with unbridled enthusiasm, I believe attending is my destiny.

Well, this was the highlights since the last posting. I know you all expected more politically charged rants, but I'm still in thankful mode. Perhaps when I venture out later to pick up some groceries and get bombarded by the commercialism of Christmas I will be able to rattle more cages. Hope you all enjoyed your weekend. All for now!

Veteran's Day

Irony and Political Endorsements

Today I am looking up some election related info since tomorrow I will be going to the voting booth along with the rest of the nation to exercise my civic duty. (Those that know me, probably can picture the sarcastic tinge in my voice as I read that sentence out loud. Its not that I don’t believe my vote counts, I just grow weary of the mudslinging during these final days. If they haven’t changed your mind by now, will they seriously do it by Tuesday?) So, instead of determining who stands for what, during this time of the campaign I look at which way the endorsements are falling and what that means.

I came across a type of endorsement I have never thought much about. Now that I have considered it though, I am getting fired up. Newspapers and media…they give endorsements? Isn’t this hypocritical? For example, the Kalamazoo Gazette is endorsing Grandholm. How can a newspaper back a candidate when they strive on a daily basis to maintain credibility? They have columnist and editorials where individuals can give their two cents but a news organization reports the news, it shouldn’t interpret it for you. I understand bias in unavoidable in many cases and that is why we should take news with a grain of salt. I just am surprised they are this obvious about it.

I find this whole issue ironic. Am I wrong?

Woes of Halloween

CANDY! AHHHH!!!!! Too much sugar over the past 48 hours. Nor sure how I use to stomach all this junk back in the day!

Goodbye, Aaron

Many people would consider birth to be the opposite of death. I disagree. The opposite of death is life. Living.

My cousin Aaron fought cancer for the past two and a half years. His situation was always grave but a few months ago during a late night talk he told me that he learned that his life didn't stop just because this disease made everything seem so uncertain. He was not dying of cancer, he was living in spite of it. He said this with a grin on his face because as he was pointing out, he wasn't waiting for cancer to win. Perhaps living with cancer made him more brave when you consider what he accomplished in the time he had.

Along with that, the most important part of his "adventure" at least from my perspective is that Aaron, though dramatically changed physically, never became different from the goofy, red-head kid he always was. Sure he was forced with some pretty harsh realities, but that didn't stop him from picking on this older cousin when she came through the door or goofing around with all the rest of the unruly gang at get togethers.

Tomorrow is his funeral. I am sad to say goodbye to him but I will appreciate that he lived a pretty full life for the 19 years I knew him. In letting him go perhaps I will find courage to open my eyes a little wider, put on an brave face and live. The time we are given is a gift.

I'll miss you, Aaron.

Rain Out

Since I can't brag about the Tigers awesome win over St. Louis last night because Mother Nature had other plans, I will tell you a story of something that happened to me the other night that relates to baseball.

I was out grabbing a drink with this guy and the game was on the television. Inevitably we got talking about what team we are rooting for and of course he is a St. Louis fan while I am a Tigers girl. At first I thought he was trying to kid me because I knew he grew up in Detroit. He remembers going to the '84 World Series. But no joke, he wants the Tigers to lose. I couldn't believe it.

Where is the loyalty? Sense of pride in the Motor City? It's not like he even moved away. This guy lives in Rochester now. He was also unable to name any players on St. Louis so this guy's motto was basically, I hate the Tigers. Besides pissing me off, I came to the realization that he probably an idiot in other parts of his life and went on to discover just that as we debated. I will probably never see him again but its just as well, I have no respect especially when he drove a point he made home by taking a huge swallow of Mike's Hard Lemonade. Yeah!

It's not easy being a Michigan sports fan at times over the years....Lions, Tigers, Spartans...but then again our victories are that much sweeter!

Go Tigers!

The Problem with: Sex and the CIty

Can't sleep so I will share this which was sent to me and I got a kick out of it. If you were a fan of the tv show Sex and the City, try the quiz off this link. Here is my result.

You Are Most Like Carrie!

You're quirky, flirty, and every guy's perfect first date. Your friends find you creative and funny. But can the guy in question live up to your romantic ideal? It's tough for you to find the right match - you're more than a little picky. Never fear... You've got a great group of friends and a great closet of clothes, no matter what! Romantic prediction: You'll fall for someone this year... Totally different from any guy you've dated.

Which Sex and the City Vixen Are You?

I think what would make me different from Carrie though is that in the last episode, I would have pushed Big off the bridge. I mean, come on he's a narcissist! In real life, her happy ending would have been standing up for herself and for once live on her own without whining about how she is unable to find love.

Election Buzz

Hey all. Last night I was sitting in a hospital waiting room with some relatives and the conversation turned to politics, Bush, etc. It occurred to me that somehow the primaries went by and I haven’t weighed in on the ballot proposals yet. Some people have asked me about what I thought in relations to my perspective in the biz (especially props 2 & 5) , so thought I would get on it.

Summary Judgment:

If you don’t read the explanation on all five, I basically am urging voters to VOTE NO on all of them. If anything do it for the simple fact that if our legislators were doing their jobs, poorly written legislation like these proposals would not be forced on the ballots. None of them should be in our constitution.

Prop 1: Money held in conservation and recreation funds can only be used for their intended purposes.

From the nonpartisan Citizen’s Research Council : (http://www.crcmich.org/) this is the first thing that bugged me: "This proposal would extend the length of the Michigan Constitution by 1,834 words, a full 6 percent." There has also been no incidence of law makers diverting these funds from their intended purposes. In essence this is a non issue.

VOTE NO

Prop 2: Ban affirmative action.

Perhaps the most confusing argument of the five, this proposal has divided the state. One of my friends said the other day that Michigan is not ready to go “color blind”. This is California businessman Ward Connerly’s sponsored proposal. Ten years ago California adopted this measure and since has seen a drop in minority enrollment in colleges by more than 60%. I think this was an unintended consequence, but even so, before we can say “yes” can you honestly step back and say that we don’t have disparity between race and sex in Michigan. The supporters of this proposal either believe racism does not exist, or that if it does we should not address it. This effort simply turns a blind eye to discrimination.

VOTE NO

Prop 3: Let’s Kill Doves.

This does not belong in the constitution. What did our representative do this last term? Come on! Interesting note of history though, Granholm was against killing doves when she came in to office and now she supports this one.

VOTE NO

Prop 4: Eminent Domain: power of the government to seize your property.

While the limits by which they do this are needed, proposal four is so poorly written these limits would never work as intended. There is no definition given for “fair market value” for the land so expect plenty of litigation to iron this one out. There is also debate that this has been more about defining the difference between favored businesses and public assets….lots of grey area, VOTE NO

Prop 5: Mandatory School Funding Levels.

Besides the fact that the state can’t realistically fund this, the proposal limits the governor and legislature to set and fund state priorities. Earmarking money is not going to work with out a system of accountability. For a proposal on education to make the ballot I would hope it at a minimum benefits the kids…it doesn’t, just the unions. It does nothing for the problems that exist in the education system that I see on a daily basis. Below is quote from an article that came across my desk last December when debate started going on this. You might find it interesting.

“According to a recent study prepared by Anderson Economic Group, the amount of funding available for K-12 public schools in Michigan has grown rapidly since the passage of Proposal A in 1994. Between 1994 and 2004, operating revenue increased by 71 percent, price inflation grew about 21 percent, and enrollment in Michigan schools increased by roughly 4 percent. (Most schools have received per-pupil operating revenue increases double or triple the rate of inflation.) During this same time period, property tax debt for capital expenditures grew even more rapidly – an astounding 217 percent. Despite all these increases in funding for public schools, the K-12 education establishment is demanding that more money be fed into a system with no link to providing higher levels of academic achievement.” –Jim Barret, Michigan Education Report

VOTE NO

Be Stong, Aaron!

http://www.aaronsadventure.com/

The will of God will never take you, Where the grace of God cannot keep you.

Seuss Like?

"I hear the voices and I read the front page and I know the speculation," the president told reporters in the Rose Garden. "But I'm the decider and decide what's best. And what's best is for Don Rumsfeld to remain as the secretary of defense."

Headlines...no seriously

Anyone read the news today? I can't help but share a few items that made me wonder, you gotta be kidding me! I put in my own headlines but feel free to follow the link if you think it's news worthy enough to read.

1) If I stay there will be trouble, If I leave it will be double. So ya gotta let me know,,,, ...great song but this is refering to a report that came out from Congress today regarding Representative Foley's email scandal. Time to clean house! Hastert joins Boehner and Reyolds on the up next to resign list. I would like them all to leave office....yesterday.

2) Shanna is my hero! ....I quote: "Hilton says Moakler walked up to her, “used the most vile of language” and then punched her in her jaw." Need I say more? Okay I will. Shanna punched Paris Hilton in the face!!! It may not be earth shattering news but that celebutant had it coming.

3) The State News Hires Idiots....A sports editor from the State News attempted to write a satirical opinion piece about the Michigan Governor's Debate from the other night and he fails to be either funny or smart. I watched the debate and here is why this guy come accross as an idiot:

"they spent five minutes debating whether or not Granholm visited someone I've never heard of while she was in Japan. So far, on a scale of zero to relevant, this is a minus 12."

Right, so that someone he is refering to is the CEO OF HONDA that she DID visit and it was KIND OF RELEVANT to the auto industry which is in Michigan.

My first clue at this guy's ineptness should have been that he was a sports editor and second, his favorite author is Mitch Albom. Nothing against sports, but journalism 101, write what you know. Until Granholms decides to play tennis, shut up. Furthermore, I have nothing against Mitch Albom but I do have everything against picking an obvious best selling author as your hero. Be a little more daring buddy...please tell me this op. ed. wasn't an attempt at that.

4) No Love in the Auto World...GM is playing hard to get with it's latest caller, Nissan-Renault. A couple months ago Ford was all about GM and then it was over. GM is a tease. If Ford and Nissan were smart they would align and make some money. Nobody likes a tease, espcially automakers.

Alright, that's enough of my reactionary news sputter. I'll catch ya all later.

Water Cooler Conspiracy

I am convinced that in a very suttle, passive aggressive way, my officemates are trying to get me to gain weight. Goodbye raw foods hello homemade. I just went to get a glass of water and the enablers are hanging out over there talking about the Survivor episode from last night and eating a fresh pan of brownies. Yesterday, they had a box of chocolates. Two days before that, one of them came into the office after lunch with a steaming tray of cookies, fresh out of the oven. These people are killing me. Every time I go over there they immediately are like "oh you got to try this" or "she made these special".

It reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Elaine complains that she is craving sugar all the time because they keep having birthday parties at the office. You have to have that obligatory piece of cake to be nice cause if you don't then you leave everyone with the impression that you don't like them. Dilema!!

So for my force feeding, sweet tooth co-workers here is my plan of attack. Think I am going to have to go with diabetes. Yeah, I'm fit as a fiddle and don't have diabetes, but what they don't know, will make them back off. If anything maybe they will start bringing me orange juice and I can convienently have some sweets when my "sugar is low" if I ever need to break my diet for a bit.

Dance Dance Dance

I remember the first time I saw "Singing in the Rain". I was about five or six, but remarkably that movie has always been in the top five for me. I always wanted to be Debbie Reynolds trying to keep up with the likes of Gene Kelly and Donald O'Connor during "Good Mornin" and who hasn't ever thought splashing through rain puddles like Gene Kelly's "Singing in the Rain" dance. Anyway to go with my latest kick on doing extremely random things (I know most people in my life are going to find amusing) I signed up for tap dancing lessons. I am warming up my jazz hands. Here I come and I'm bringin' it!

Misadventures on the River Wild

Hey party people. I am sorry I didn’t get these up sooner but the photo lab had trouble developing my extremely old disposable camera which was water damaged. They are not the best quality so I had to steal some.

My team of ace oarsmen and adventurers did awesome. We had lots of fun and there were even discussion of all of chucking it all and opening our own canoe shack/think tank. Before we hang a shingle though we'll get to this. Most of the pictures are in between the monster rapids and fallen trees since having a paddle in hand is a little more effective than a camera, but here’s what we did get.

I know the current didn't look very fast but these two right here were arguably the best team. We totally dominanted with our versatility trading off the steering and playing chicken with the trees...and guess who was chicken? That's right, the trees.

Next we mixed it up (ya know, keep the muscles guessing) with a little volleyball action....and there was when I was serving!

And Guessing!

And Guessing!

Man Down! It wouldn't be a good trip without a nasty injury I guess. This time it wasn't me!

I can't put it any other way than Great Lakes, Great Times, people!

Time For Another Adventure

I'm taking off for the wilds of northern Michigan as soon as I finish this entry! Plan on spending the day in a canoe tomorrow with my posse close at hand. We will brave the currents and steer through what ever clever obstacle Old Man River has to dish out... (downed trees, rapids, bears, other adventure seekers like myself?)

Needless to say it is going to be an awesome time. I've assembled an ace team, some of whom are coming clear from Idaho, and we have synchronized our sun dials and plan meeting up bright and early in the morning. One draw back to being in the great outdoors is that there won't be a Starbucks nearby but will settle for the sludge at the local greesy spoon in order to hit the river with enthusiasm. I'll take some pictures and hopefully get them up Monday. Hopefully the picture on the left won't happen, but what is it they say? if it doesn't kill you, it probably should have.

Hitting Lake Michigan after that because we need more of a challenge. Rip tides are fearce this time of year...seriously. Look it up. Hope to make it back injury free, but if it is a good trip, my track record has shown a definite correllation! Ah well! It will be worth it! Take care all!

See you down the trail!

I'm outta here!

Wide World of Velcro

On behalf of kindergarteners everywhere…Thank you George de Mestral

On this day in 1955, Swiss inventor George de Mestral received the U.S. patent for Velcro. Upon his return from a walk in the early 1940s, de Mestral noticed that cockleburs were stuck to his pants and his dog’s coat. The curious inventor examined the burrs under a microscope to discover their construction; when he noticed the hook shaped prongs, he was inspired to invent a new fastening device. One side had soft loops, just like the fabric of his pants, and the other side was a pattern of stiff hooks, similar to those that de Mestral had observed under his microscope. The resulting product was Velcro, from the French words “velour” and “crochet.”

A Day That Defines Us

This is a difficult day for many Americans. It is hard to not re-experience some of the emotions that we felt while watching the events unfold five years ago. If you need help just turn on Fox News or CNN and you can literally relive it today. I find it a little disheartening since it seems our country has many more enemies now but perhaps the general public is just more awake to what is going on in the world. In any case, one phrase has stuck with me in the time since September 11, 2001:

"Our Hearts Are Broken, But Our Spirit Is Not"

Below is an excerp of a personal email I’ve hung on to over the years. I’m not sure if the writer thought about the lasting impact it has had on me but he is wiser than he knows. I think it is worth sharing with you guys.

The events of the past week and our individual and collective reaction may shape your futures in disproportionate ways. Unfortunately, emergencies, wars, civil unrest and fallout from outrageous acts are defining our existence now as much as considered thought and planning. While people are fond of referring to catch lines like “necessity of being the mother of invention”, such notions miss the importance of maintaining the peaceful, nurturing environment that actually spawns the opportunity unique to our society that, like good health, goes largely unappreciated until it is gone or threatened.

In the scheme of things, the murderous acts of last week are reminders of our flaws and a wake up call to decent human values that atrophy without extreme external influences. There are microcosms of distressing events that I see almost daily in my practice. All too often people shrink and react in a disappointing manner even by their own standards. This is not a time for reaction; rather it is a time for reflection and careful direction of the abundant wisdom and resources that are ours. I hope you all will use your good common sense and intelligence to keep a balanced and critical perspective about the big question of what is now to be done. I’m concerned about the flag waving, vengeful attitude that is popular politically, but more in vogue than ingrained. It comes without deep resolve this is required to carry out the underlying message – eye for an eye and tooth for a tooth. One writer recently noted the end game there is to be blind and toothless. If we take the time necessary to envision and understand clearly we will ultimately benefit and enjoy our souls and our sustaining freedoms. Further sacrifice by loss of life is not the answer and it is as easy to see as looking at the losses in New York.

Keep your minds and hearts pure and intact – the world is too often impressed with zealots who would dictate our existence and shape us in their mold in order to achieve acceptance. The threat of such influence is constant and the only practical cure is in our deep and resilient resolve to stay the course or reaffirm why we are bothering with life and living and dying to begin with.

I hope this note has been as cathartic and confusing for you as me. Stay focused on the issues because the clouds are likely to be heavy for a while. Foggy, but slowly clearing later in the decade. I wish I could make it easier for you all, but old men have such foolish ideas that really make things more difficult. The trick is to survive the bumps and develop your own fortitude and character so the bumps are easier because of who you really are and not what I wish.

Tribute

To my brother-in-law and his unit which was deployed to Balad today:

God Speed

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."

- Edmund Burke

Deep Thought

Where are all the good men dead, in the heart or in the head?

-Anonymous

Union City: the intersection of nowhere that is somewhere apparently.

Yesterday I had business with the school down in Union City.

Don’t know where that is? Well the 2,000 people that live there like to keep it that way. The instructions to get down to this southern Michigan town which rests just north of Coldwater included such lines as “a stones throw past Harry’s barn” and “turn at the field of cows”. Everyone is related and no one is a stranger and the actual strangers are pretty much run out of town.

I made it out alive but I have a feeling this is the kind of place that would be featured in a spooky Hawthorne or Poe novel. This is a place which on the surface looks like an inconsequential small town with nothing remarkable going on but behind the cute cafe on the corner and the friendly smile of the old store keeper who smokes his pipe on the back stoop, there is this dark secret that rears its head every now and then….maybe I have too active of an imagination. If you had been there you’d see what I mean though.

I thought about this the whole way back to civilization and forgot about it until this morning when I found out the dark secret of this small intersection of a town. While our secretary was pulling information on the largest tax payers she found out that there is a nudist colony (the largest in the Mid-West) right outside of town. Ah ha!

Appartitions: Explanation Please

This is from the article on MSN about how they can see the Virgin Mary in this "melt off" from a candy machine. A few years ago people also saw the Virgin Mary in a grill cheese sandwhich, which ended up being auctioned off on E-Bay. (Nothing like profitting from a religious phenomenon.) Now I'm not saying that this isn't her or it is her. That is for your own personal insight.

I'm just wondering, it seems like she would have a bigger budget. Alls I'm saying.

Its an "Emer'gen-C"

Has anyone ever heard of this so called cure for the common cold or flu. Today I had the pleasure. I am heading out of town tonight for a long weekend surviving the wilds of northern Michigan and woke up this morning with a head cold!!! Anyway, a co-worker swears by this stuff called “Emer’gen-C” so I decided at lunch to get some and see if it will kill whatever I got.

“Emer’gen-C” is a fizzy drink mix that boasts about being “an incredible energy booster”. Topping the supplement fact list is 1,000mg of Vitamin C and about every other vitamin or mineral I have ever heard of…yeah they don’t mess around. I mixed my first drink at 1pm and drank it down. My cold/sore throat symptoms have now subsided a little and now I feel, for lack of a better term, kind of high. The rush of nutrients literally shocks your system. It’s 3pm now and I just got over the rapid heart palpitations and nausea and my hands quit shaking, so I can now type. Next I think I may do yoga to find some equilibrium…I ran into my desk three times already!

While dealing with the crazy side effects I was at a firm wide meeting that involved about fifty people. Ever try explaining to your boss that you have the shakes because of a natural dietary supplement? Yeah, didn’t go over well. He shook his head and walked away. Perhaps I can coast through the rest of my afternoon though without interruptions.

Not sure if I am going to try another treatment. I imagine this stuff could get addictive if I’m not careful! I’m compare it to Jolt or Red Bull or that is contains natural supplements instead of pure caffeine.

Just breathe……

What Mel Said and What Mel Did...

I just read on MSN that Patrick Swayze is the latest celebrity to jump on the “Save Mel Gibson” band wagon. The public is getting off track when it comes to this guy. There are two issues at hand. First one is that the Mel broke the law. The second is that Mel said some loaded Anti-Semitic phrases while in custody. Now the press is having a field day and the issues are getting blurred.

I have a theory that it is actually people in Mel’s camp that are playing this up. Why? Because, they want people to be thinking about Mel. Any press is good press in Mel’s case since he has been pretty low profile since the “Passion of the Christ” came out. Next we will hear that newly Jewish-educated Mel is going to do a film about the Holocaust. The other reason Mel’s people are firing all engines on this “Save Mel” crusade is to drum up local sympathy from the community and possibly sway public opinion to give him a slap on the wrist instead of some deserved real punishment. I know people who have driven drunk and every time I hear them tell a story of how they once drove drunk …I think of the people in the other cars on the road that would have to reap the repercussions of that irresponsibility. What about causing injuries or deaths? Note to stupid, what the heck is cool about getting loaded and doing something totally reckless and then think that other people will find that "so awesome"?

Right now Mel faces six months in jail if convicted. Please California, convict him. Yeah, put him in rehab, but just because he’s a celebrity doesn’t mean community service is going to be enough. For all those who say, “He’s been through so much. Having to face this angered community is punishment enough.” Hell no. Why are we coddling him? If he was Joe Shmo we wouldn't have thought twice about what kind of punishment to give him. I’m sure you haven’t forgotten he said some pretty messed up things. Leave it to the Jewish community to decide what he should do to be pardoned for that. (Though we do enjoy your opinions Mr. Swayze, we get the impression you are riding coat tails on this one.)

The last issue: are we responsible for what we say when we are drunk? Yes. Our friends never let us forget the stupid things we do. In Mel’s case, the right to judge him belongs to the people he offended. This is true in less serious cases as well, here are a few examples from my life.

My friend Sam once slurred over a bucket-o-beer at Crunchy’s, “man, I wish I was a woman. They have it made.” That is why he is still taunted to this day as 'sex change-Sam'. My friend Jane would still be staring at a map trying to prove that the Netherlands are not real and National Geographic has a typo because they are part of the Peter-Pan story. (Never-Never Land) My friend Jessie would be the lead singer to a hair metal cover band that tours in the area because I remember screaming that she sounded just like the singer when a mike was thrown in her face at Rick’s and she began singing “Talk Dirty To Me” for the whole bar. For the record though she did rock it!

So is Mel subject to the same standard as my friends? Is he Anti-Semitic? Is what he said a bigger deal than what he did? As the rest of us, he should be accountable for what he says and does at all times. Now let get on with it!

Rent-A-Husband

On the morning commute I came accross a truck in the next lane with "Rent a Husband" detailed on the sides. The company specializes in maintenance and home repair, and what a great name. I think this is genious. You can have a guy come in and fix everything and then leave. You don't have to relinquish the remote control, you don't have to deal with his mother calling every thirty minutes, you don't have to feed him, you don't have to ask him to fix that something a hundred times, he doesn't leave his tools or dirty clothes all over.....they should call this business "An Ideal Husband"! I'm serious.

Read This!

I emailed some of you guys this article earlier, but thought I would post it as well in case I missed anyone. Click on the title to go to the link. It is really well written and offers some perspective on what is going on with the war of terrorism.

Jennings is a Jerk

Jeopardy champ Ken Jennings decided to be controversial (well, controversial as a programer in Utah can get on his blog!) this week by ripping on Alex Trebek and Jeopardy. Why bite the hand that fed him $2.5 million in winnings last year? Kenny where is the love? Perhaps he's pissed they won't let him back on the show, but even so Trebek is an instituation! Mocking him is not cool....the guy who runs "Wheel of Fortune" I can understand.

A Chilling Thought

With escalation going on between Israel and Lebanon lately, I have been hearing many broadcasters hearlding this as our "World War Three". Perhaps they like the dramatics of the sounds of this, though it is difficult to determine the ripple effects from the boiling pot that is the Middle East right now. So as we watch Ms. Rice waltz around trying to forgo any more conflict, thought I'd do some research.

What is a "World War"? Thanks to the folks at Wikipedia here is a definition. A world war decribes a military conflict affecting majority of the world's major nations unually spanning multiple continents and are very bloody and destructive.

Fast Facts:

World War One/World War Two
Affected States 36/62
Deaths 10M/55M
Injured 20M/35M
Conscripts (i.e. drafted) 70M/110M
Battlefield Area 4 km2/22 km2

Also found a quote that is relevant:

"I know not with what weapns World War Three will be fought, but World War Four will be fought with sticks and stones." - Albert Einstein

Marriage programs to get a boost from feds

Do you find this funny as well? Silly George!

Writer's Block

I have been tasked with writting a poem for a friend of mine and can not get past the first few phrases. I have never been blocked like this before. The topic has to be love and committment since it will be read at a wedding this fall. I still got time but, man, I get to the third line and it goes south. I have written things of this nature before, but perhaps it's the pressure of having an actual writting assignment that is getting to me. The other reason for my inabilty to fill up a notebook with fancy rhymes of romance and adoration is the possibility that I have grown far too synical to be an "everything is coming up roses" kind of writer. I don't know.

This leads me to the realization that tragedy, grief, and saddness are much more rich topics to write about. For every happy song out there is at least five sad songs. My Grandpa loves the old Hank Williams/Willie Nelson ballads -i.e. My heart was trampled by a metephorical bulldozer - this he refers to as the essentials of a good song: "crying, sighing, and dying". Years ago my younger brother once spoke up during one of Grandpa's favorites and said, "Grandpa, why are your songs always so sad?"

My point is that creatively speaking it may be harder to write something possitive than it is to dwell on the rough side of life. Is this because we take the joy in our lives for granted more often while sad things hit us deeper? I prefer to think that the human condition is not so hopeless but the emotions we feel on the "darker side" of the spectrum tend bring additional complexity and convoluted feelings. Hence a world of ideas for the creative processes.

It is not that happiness is not a good thing. It's just not as dementional while sadness and despair is so much more interesting. If this makes me jadded, then atleast I will be a jadded but published writer.

Paris the Icon (not so fast!)

Today I read this article...yeah, got tired of reading about Israel so I looked for something lighter. Hotel heiress Paris Hilton has dubbed herself an icon and said she was on the same level as Marilyn Monroe and Princess Diana. I about lost it when I read this declaration from the wannabe warbler. While her popularity is certainly there, I think people are more interested in what dumb thing she is going to do next than how she feels about the AIDS epidemic (Princess Diana's personal mission) or brag about her string of box office success (oh wait, no one bothered going to see the movie she is in!).

The question is what have you contributed to become an icon? You are blonde and a size zero but you don't pride yourself in intelligence like Lady Di and you don't have the trademark blowing a kiss pose like Marilyn....if you think that dead-eye, vacant glare you give the cameras can equate to that, thus giving you an iconic trademark, I think we got problems.

Furthermore, the fact that you are a self-proclaimed icon really doesn't get you the respect. I mean be a bit humble, Paris. It's stunts like this that make you even more annoying.

Miller Time!

Last night I scored tickets to the Steve Miller Band concert at Common Grounds Music Festival. With me as always was “Bessie” my partner in crime (specifically for the hard cord 70s and 80s music experiences)….Journey comes on the radio and I call her! Bessie understands my appreciation for the randomly obscure as well as knowing better than to let a once in a lifetime opportunity like this to pass her by. Given she would probably only go for Steve Miller tickets once in a lifetime but that is just semantics. Anyway, I just noticed “Bessie” also wrote a review on her site “Mrs. Ca”, check it out.

The sun was slowly sinking behind the skyline as Bessie and I were making our way up to some primo seats. We are a pretty big deal…VIPS...alls I’m saying...The “Huntunes” were finishing up their set which was good because I was at the point where after you make fun of a band for so long you begin to pity the guy that gave them the okay to play! I spose as long as the band enjoyed themselves then that is all that matters, because the crowd sure was not! Two of the band members had shaved heads. I couldn’t tell you what they sang but I can say that the thought of how it would feel to burn your bald head did cross my mind a few times when they were up there, dressed in black and bobbing to the beat. They tried to do a version of Cash’s “Folsom Prison” and I nearly threw my chair at the stage. How dare they ruin such a sacred song! To say their version was weak would be generous.

Another monent of note was when the Mayor got up and welcomed the crowd. I found that hilarious because as he walked down the main aisle and passed Bessie and I, I discovered how tiny he is. I talked on this blog about the Kenny Chesany phenomenon...you know how Kenny is really only three feet tall and that it is just lighting and effects that make him life size? Well, same thing here. Our mayor is an Oompah-Loompah. Go figure! While waiting in line for the bathroom later on he came by and was shaking people's hands which weirded me out a little. I guess all us in line were a captive audience but even so, ewh!

The concert was sold out and the freaky side of Lansing came out of the woodwork for Steven. The first thing that struck me was that I forgot to wear tie-dye! I totally didn’t think! The loyal ones probably know what to wear because they are permanently living in 1970 and probably haven't changed or dare I say bathed since. There were a few women wearing (and I use that term loosely) bathing suits as well which of course was weird because besides there was no beach in sight and nobody wanted to see their bodies....see Mrs. Ca's entry, she nailed it!

So, Steve and his posse came on stage but Bessie and I didn’t buy into it until the third song “Abracadabra”. It was awesome! For a couple of his other lesser know tunes I tried to sing it over and it totally worked with the music. He's a blues rocker at heart which I enjoyed.

The crowd really got going when psychedelic images were projected on a big white trampoline above the band as the colorful instrumentation began for “Fly Like an Eagle”. After over ten minutes of flying I began to tire and found I was spending most of my time avoiding being crushed by huge drunk girl to my right rather than enjoy the music. During this time though I did take in our surroundings. In front of us sat Hugh Hefner with his trophy gal and just beside them accumulated a group of women dancing along the gate passing around drinks and joints and continually yelling such marque phrases like, "This is the best band ever!" and "Play Jokester!" Actually I started that to see if they would repeat me...and they did! Morons!

As the refraim played for the thirtieth time, Bessie turned to me and yelled “This is not Freebird!” which got me laughing. I guess if I was high or drunk or mentally altered in some other way, I wouldn’t have minded so much because that the state Steve intended for his listeners to be in I spose. Just staying “tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock” over and over again for three straight minutes though was great because it really drove the point of "time slippin’"…because singing the refraim a half dozen more times didn’t quite get me there.

Steve brought us back into the fold with “Rock N’ Me”. By this point I was yelling for "The Joker" in between every song but tricky Steve waited till the end to slip in that number. What a joker!

Well played Steve, well played!

In conclusion I would like to thank Bessie for coming along as well as for putting up with my code name for her in this entry! I thought it was pretty funny. I would also like to express my appreciation to the Oasis VIP area where I enjoyed a pleasant evening sipping wine along the shores of the Grand River. I also would like to thank drunk girl and her gang for keeping it lite and not crushing me or my friend when you decided to bust a move that resembled more of a near fall.

I enjoyed myself but I better get started on working on my guy to hand over some more tickets for the other performers this week. It will take plenty of sucking up but I am fotuneately not above groveling! The ones of note performing this week are Poison, Styx, Cheap Trick, Ted Nugent, & Etta James. Any would be great to see!

Later!

A Failure to Communicate....

Our telephone, email, and fax are out again at work. To say that negativity would describe the office climate presently would be an understatement considering I heard talk in the hallway earlier that involved getting our clients to black list the companies involved. I’ve been hiding back in my office avoiding the whole mess, though I may have to step up soon. My boss’s face is an exceptionally darker shade of red now. The minute he starts clenching his arm I will have to get off the bench, though I doubt my co-workers will enjoy hearing how I would handle the situation.

Technology is a huge problem in our office. There is no clear entity to place blame between us (the user), the cable company and the telephone company. This is tricky because now we have to figure out who will fix it. Typically our office manager (who has a fuse shorter than the rest of us) goes directly on the offensive. He says it is being handled though I use the term “handled” lightly because he has been acting like a total ass to each company’s representative. Why? Because he thinks that by being irate and course he will be taken more seriously and solve this mess expediciously. He’s been on hold most of the day…no kidding! Who would want to deal with someone who uses these tactics in troubleshooting? As the hours pass he keeps getting madder and madder. Go figure on such simple logic as his.

Perhaps I will tactfully step in and take the reigns once our office manager goes to lunch. I think with as confused every party is in this mess, we need to give these guys the opportunity to step up and offer a solution since we haven’t been able to come up with one our selves, that would be more productive than spending another four hours deciding who caused it. We got a problem between us and though we are unclear how things got so messed up, can you help us fix it?

Why be so hard-nosed about simple situations? People will deal with you if you treat them with the respect and dignity in which you wish for in return. That’s called adult relationships aka good business relations. This is coming from the gal low on the totem pole (3 years working here) who is reacting to an office manager thirty years on the job. Hmmmmm……

Who'd You Wake Up With This Morning?

This works every time without fail!

You get out of bed and stumble through the morning routine of getting a shower, finding breakfast, downing coffee, taking out the trash, kissing the family goodbye...etc.....and on the morning commute you still aren't quite awake. You feel like you need about three more hours of sleep and are already an hour late for whatever waits for you on your desk in the office. I know I am not the only one in the the morning who feels like this. All of you so called "morning people" are on speed or some other form of false empowerment. If you are working atleast 50 hours a week, springing out of bed to take on the world is not your first thought when you roll over to hit the snooze button the first time.

I own the Bruce Springsteen Greatest Hits Album and pop it in every morning on that commute when I need that extra inspiration to get me moving and improve the attitude. It starts out with the tune "Born To Run". Can you top that? Didn't think so. The hurried drums and bass guitar surging almost like a pace for your heart beat to match. You can't help but absorb some of the magic Bruce injected in these lyrics by the time you get to the refraim you are singing along with it. You get into the rythmn as he plows through some more verses and you find you are finally awake.

The sun peaks over the horizon and you realize Bruce came through for you again. Rest of the commute is easy coasting. Hopefully you'll be able to ride this wave through most of the morning.

Honorable mention: Glory Days, Thunder Road, Bad Lands, Dancing in the Dark

They'll all do the job!

Star and Barbara Throw Down!!

Celebrity Death Match 2006! I love Hollywood pettiness. It makes me feel so well adjusted. Star is upset about bing fired and Babs is pissed about being made out as the bad guy. The only thing is, nobody likes Star Jones. She's obnoxious. Really the only reason they kept her around is to fill in the diversity quota and pick up a demographic. Problem...your own demographic finds you "out of touch and unrelatable". Babs has been around the block. Good luck taking on this savy juggernot of the media circus. Rumur has it she has henchmen....alls I'm saying.

Celebrity People Skills or Lack There Of

Below are a few fine examples of why celebs hire mouth pieces. A friend of mine told me at lunch that water always settles at the level it belongs. Perhaps you can put a person in Hollywood but you can totally transform them into amazing frescos...eventually the cracks will show. Besides the fact that we all know Naomi has been insane for years, I couldn't help but watch that Britney interview. It was like watching a car accident, you can not not look. She is the epitomy of the blackhole of celebritydome and I bet her PR guy is earning his money. I'm just curious how far she will sink and if it is possible for her to ever get out of this downward spiral.


Another Maid Sues Naomi Campbell (The Phone Thrower!)
http://movies.msn.com/movies/article.aspx?news=226202&GT1=7701

Axel Rose Bites a Security Guard
http://music.msn.com/music/article.aspx?news=226220

Britney's Redneck Interview..."We're Just Country, Y'all"
http://www.slate.com/id/2144188/

Save Screech

http://tv.msn.com/tv/article.aspx?news=225647&GT1=7703

You knew him as the annoying sidekick Samuel "Screech" Powers to the 80's hearthrob Zac Morris on "Saved By The Bell." Now he's being evicted. This is just an article I came by the other day and wondered how many 80's child stars are in the same plight. They star for years in a highly lucrative franchise and then get dropped when agents decide they no longer have that sexy or or in this case dorky appeal. This is when they learn the fated hollywood lesson that you need to read your contract before you sign it. They still run "Saved By The Bell" like ten times a day on TBS...I know this from my mono days. Screech got screwed over.l

St Johns: a city that is in no way like the island

I was in St. Johns on business and thought I would wander around and find my Aunt who was allegedly getting married there today. Never ran into her or her fiancé which surprised me because the population of that city is like 50 people…alright, alright, it just seems that way.

Of course she is down in the Caribbean. Good thing too. Though I have nothing against John Deere, I don’t think riding off into the sunset on an old tractor with a “Just Married” sign would be her scene. Give me an island in the sun any day! Hope they enjoy the vacation abroad.

Congradulations Jeannette and Greg!

George Sticks His Foot In His Mouth

President Bush: Peter. Are you going to ask that question with shades on?

Peter Wallsten of the Los Angeles Times: I can take them off.

Bush: I'm interested in the shade look, seriously.

Wallsten: All right, I'll keep it, then.

Bush: For the viewers, there's no sun.

Wallsten: I guess it depends on your perspective.

Bush: Touché.

—Exchange with legally blind reporter Peter Wallsten, to whom Bush later apologized, Washington, D.C., June 14, 2006

Oh well!

My dreams of being a professional Paper, Rock, Scissors Champ went up in smoke today while I was practicing with the neighbor kids in the stairwell. The agony of defeat was realized when I went zero for five.

Instead of going home to cry (which I did later) I dazzled them by whistling a tune. They can’t whistle and I refused to show them because I figure they could learn to be a little more humble.

Is this worth reporting?

Click the title.

Paper, Rock, Scissors is not just for the playground any more.

This is either the most colossal waste of time or an awsome game. It reminds me of trick bowling but it requires no skill and an aptitude for probability. These people take it seriously...see the below quotes from this article.

'Bissett, 21, used some unorthodox techniques on his way to earning the title. In the semifinals, he threw a triple-paper, confusing his opponent. A throw of rock in the finals earned him the title and the trip.'

'"His rock’s getting solid, we’re working on his scissors," Bentley said.'

The best part is this guy got served by a six year old girl. Burn! Oh this makes me laugh.



P.S. Mom, I decided what I want to do with my life.

25 Ain't No Jive!

Today is my younger brother’s birthday. I have to say “younger” instead of “little” obviously, as you can see…I got nothing! Such is life! He turns the big 25 today.

Back in MI

Ah Idaho...I shall miss you. While you all were dealing with record high temperatures, here is a sample of where I was. Yes, that is in fact snow! Pretty awesome!

The Great Outdoors

Hey all! Not much time to write. Heading up into the mountains for camping, hiking, fishing, ......running from bears.........Anyway, here are a few pics from yesterday's adventures through Boise!

To Idaho I Go!

"Esto Perpetua" means "It is perpetual." That is the motto of this state I am going to visit over Memorial Day weekend. Does that mean the state never changes or is this a reference to it's people? Hmmmm... yeah, a loaded question, but before I go deep I compiled some fun facts. Perhaps you will learn something.

Potatoes! I am a fan and read the labels of the food I eat. I found a link to a website that just concentrates on famous Idaho Potato recipes. Pretty sweet or rather starchy!

(okay bad joke...moving on)

Idaho also boasts high yields of trout, Austria Winter Peas and Lentils. Love the trout, hate the peas, and lentils? well, my mom likes 'em so that's 2 out of 3.

Idaho is the 13th largest state with a river system that travels 3,100 miles (more than any other state). This of course means that fly fishing and hunting is really big....I am picturing the movie "A River Runs Through It" right now. Though that movie takes place in Montana and Brad Pitt does not actually live there, putting him in the mental image doesn't hurt though.

The Land: This is from the state website that says it better than I could.

"The panhandle is emerald green hillsides, timbered mountains and sprinkled with lakes of all sizes. Central Idaho is covered with jagged peaks. The Snake River Plain, with its wide open vistas, irrigated farm lands and vibrant cities forms the character of Southern Idaho.
Idaho’s history lies with its native tribes, the Lewis and Clark Expedition and determined pioneers on the Oregon Trail."

Abundant outdoor recreation opportunities attract over 20 million tourists annually. Idaho is the home of Sun Valley, created in 1936, and America's first ski resort!

Idaho is know as "the gem state" for it's 72 precious and semi-precious gem stones which can be found no where else in the world.

Below are some facts I've never come accross before when hearing about a state.

The State Horse: Appaloosa ......it's a type of horse, not a concert!

The State Dance: Square Dance

....dosey-do ......
and swing your partner round the rest, head back home and promanade left..........

yes in another life I was a dance caller, alls I'm saying.]

The News:

The governor and the department of natural resources is currently suing the Federal Government for the EPA's program of releasing grizzly bears into central Idaho. This is an effort by the Federal Government to protect and increase a population that is on the endagered species list, but the state is less than thrill to comply. I plan on camping while I am out there but I'm not worries since my brother-in-law is a gun enthisuast. No offense EPA!

Well that's all for now. Hope you learned something.

The Idaho State Song....who knew!

Here we Have Idaho

Official State Song by Enactment of Twenty-first Session of Idaho Legislature
Verses by Albert J.Tompkins

Chorus by McKinley Helm

Music by Sallie Hume-Douglas'

Arranged by Craig Chernos

Download this song in Mp3 format

You’ve heard of the wonders our land does possess,

Its beautiful valleys and hills.

The majestic forests where nature abounds,

We love every nook and rill

Chorus:
And here we have Idaho,

Winning her way to fame.

Silver and gold in the sunlight blaze,

And romance lies in her name.

Singing, we’re singing of you,

Ah, proudly too. All our lives thru,

We’ll go singing, singing of you,

Singing of Idaho.

There’s truly one state in this great land of ours,

Where ideals can be realized.

The pioneers made it so for you and me,

A legacy we’ll always prize.

Chorus:
And here we have Idaho,

Winning her way to fame.

Silver and gold in the sunlight blaze,

And romance lies in her name.

Singing, we’re singing of you,

Ah, proudly too. All our lives thru,

We’ll go singing, singing of you,

Singing of Idaho.

http://gov.idaho.gov/fyi/song/index.htm

Where Would We Be Without Our Moms?

Yes, that is a loaded question. I can only speak for myself since I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting these women who have sat at home waiting on the second weekend in May every year for you to call and congratulate them on bringing you into the world and surviving you for an “x” number of years. While Mother’s Day is a good excuse to go for a buffet dinner or give her the overly glittered picture frame you made in your third grade art class, the reason President Woodrow Wilson designated the second Sunday in May as Mother’s Day in 1914 was to recognize these women and be sure not to let them be taken for granted.

Years ago on a Mother’s Day, I was awake early watching my mom eat the pancakes we made, even though they tasted funny because at our age we didn’t determine that there is a difference between baking soda and baking powder. She told us that Mother’s Day mattered little to her because she already knew we loved her and we didn’t need to go to such measures and get her gifts. Therefore in her explanation, everyday was Mother’s Day. I’m sure it was meant, but realistically I think it was partially intended to keep my brother out of the baking cabinet for a few more years until he could read recipes properly! Anyway, I imagined that in her ideal world where every day was Mother’s Day, her four children all under the age of five would always behave like little angels. Therefore Mother’s Day must be a solid attempt by the rest of the family to give our mom a glimpse of that unlikely Utopia.

Have you ever read the children’s book “Are you My Mother?” written by P.D. Eastman? It’s about a young bird that hatches while his mother is out looking for food. He falls out of the nest and goes on a journey meeting many diverse characters to whom he poses the question “are you my mother?” Eventually he finds his way home, where his life finally makes sense and falls asleep under his mother’s wing. It is a story of belonging and recognizes the special bond that can only exist between a parent and a child. As we grow and discover our identity it is innate that we first turn to our parents for acceptance. They are the ‘I love you no matter what’ constants by whom we are able to find our footing especially during the tough times.

At times I swore I was adopted or my mom came from another universe. Even as a grown woman I sometimes find we don’t speak the same language but behind any misunderstanding or disagreement is always good intention. I try not to limit my appreciation to a single day. I also keep in mind what my mom gave up in order to raise my brothers, sister and I, and that I never once heard her speak of regret or complain about her choices. During my upbringing, every day wasn’t a page out of the “Walton’s” or "Ozzie and Harriet" land, but I was always loved and cared for. And though my mother was never officially awarded “Mom of the Year” she always has been in my book.

To the most beautiful woman in the world! Happy Mother's Day!

Below are a few quotes that I love. Feel free to use them on your Mother’s Day card! I plan to!

Home is where your mom is!

A mother understands what a child does not say. –a Jewish proverb

All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel Mother. –Abraham Lincoln

It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't. –Barbara Kingsolver

Anyone who doesn't miss the past never had a mother.

Richer than Gold

You may have fortunes untold
Mountains of riches and coffers of gold
Richer than I you will never be
I had a mother who read to me

Art's...Need I Say More?

Art’s Bar is a friendly establishment in downtown off of Kalamazoo I frequent occassionally with the usual suspects (you know who you are). Only true Lansing enthusiasts frequent it for good reason, no one takes themselves too seriously there and hence the laid back attitude has survived for over fifty years. I personally enjoy the motto that has been synonymous with Art’s since it’s establishment in 1948, “Hey it’s Art’s, Lighten Up.” Art’s has a pretense of being a blue collar dive where the beer is watered down and the food is as greasy as it is good for you. This however is just to keep the frat boy, college age, party goers away. We like to keep things down to a dull roar and only let the pure sports fan or heavy drinker thru the door. This is where the fun begins. Imagine MSU stadium and Cheers rolled into one for those of you still reaching for a clear picture.

First you will meet Bill, the barkeep. He has plenty of spirits behind him but gives you an annoyed expression when you order anything but what’s on draft. We tested his patience on Saturday night by daring to order a “Dirty Girl Scout”. Much to our dismay, Bill didn’t have the ingredients but did proceed to make us a few whiskey shots that were delicious. Because we were so nice and probably a bit too friendly, he only charged us for one round…we had four shots a piece by then!

There are a gob of friendly waitresses who work pretty hard for decent tips. I was there a few weeks ago when our waitress did a shot with our table and then proceeded to play a round of “Quarters” before getting back to handle her other tables. Maybe some of the waitresses act like Coyote Ugly casting rejects but either way it was cool.

Now I come to Art’s most famous asset, Phil, the Sinatra “impersonator”. I use that term loosely but what Phil lacks in talent he makes up for in volume! I met Phil a few months ago and he remembers me by name because we had a lengthy discussion up at the jukebox about the Rat Pack. He is a grey haired, tired looking man, but don’t let his Harry Potter glasses that cover a good third of his face fool you, once the music starts he comes to life, much to the chagrin of the whole bar. Last time I was there Phil was breaking a twenty at the bar so he could fill the song set up with Sinatra’s Greatest Hits CD…and he did it too, the whole CD. “It’s up to you, New York, New Yoooooork!”

And finally I must mention shuffle board. What is even more awesome is that it is free. With a shooper (a huge goblet) of beer in one hand and your puck in the other it is fun to give it a try. It is great when you discover you aren’t half bad at it. It is easy to be overcome with a competitive spirit while playing. I have been witness to some pretty intense games but its harmless because usual the stake are only as high as who is paying for the next round of shoopers.

I would quote Toby Keith’s “I Love This Bar” but you are more likely to hear the Stones or something recorded before 1985 than anything recent. Art’s wood paneling, rickety dart boards and falling ceiling projector may not impress many, but what Art’s lacks in refinement and class is definitely made up for with its unique character.

Alive, Alert, Awake, Enthusiastic!

I remember the early mornings at camp when we would roll out of bed and stumble down to the flag pole yawning and squint at the rising sun as the layer of fog was still blanketed over the lake below. The ducks would still be huddled on the swimming platform and you couldn't help but think to yourself, this early morning stuff is nuts. Just then the Director would come running out of her cabin and just as she had done every morning for the past few months to lead us in a morning chant -I'm alive, alert, awake, enthusiastic! This was of course sung with a lot less vigor than that of the Director. (I had long suspected she use to down a Red Bull before meeting up for morning flag.)

I bring this up on a Monday morning because a bad attitude can weigh on a person for the whole week. This little cheer above, though painful at the crack of dawn, worked and it was hard not to have more of a spring in my step after yelling that positive phrase. Everywhere around us is negativity that continually bashes us down. Be conscious of this and you will find that less things will affect you. You can harnass it. In this spirit, every morning, especially on Mondays, as I walk out to my car to head to work, I look up at the sky. If it is sunny I stop, make myself smile big, and as I stretch I take a deep breath of fresh air. If it is cloudy or rainy, I still smile and take a deep breath. Odds are there are plants in the yard that could really use a drink. I then jump in the car and as I head to work I put in a little Motown and sing at the top of my lungs. Trust me, it makes all the difference.

If you are going to have a bad attitude don't let it be because you just woke up that way. Let it be someone else's fault!

All Hail to Greg, the Zen Master of the Towing World!

This morning I was exhausted. I had stayed up late reading this really good book and lost track of time. Anyway, I jumped in my car while downing the usual toast and diet coke (my coffee substitute) and something was off. I had either gained a half of a ton of weight last night (unlikely) or my car was way off balance. I climbed out and slammed the door on a finger and as I yelled out in agony, I discovered that I had a tire that was completely flat. It's the same one I had to get fixed a few weeks ago up north at Walmart, so I was a little steamed. Now that I think about it Walmart's clever motto is "Always low prices" and has nothing to do with doing decent work for customers. (FYI - I found out from my tire guy down here that Walmart auto repair is pretty hit and miss.)

As I waited for my tow truck to come I sat on the front stoop and decided to call my friend Jessie. I needed to rant and she puts up with me...that is a test of a true friend. Unfortuneately she wasn't around, but as I left her a message I realized that it was kind of silly for me to complain. It is a beautiful morning and I wasn't sitting in a dark office and dealing with the daily stress at work. I pushed up my sleeves to catch some rays and pulled out my book and started to read. I was disappointed when the wrecker finally did show up. I was enjoying myself.

That was when I met Greg. He was a very patient guy willing to answer all of my many questions and even had a few automobile jokes to boot. (i.e. What do you call a four door chicken coup?...a chicken sedan!) We climbed up into his rig and started down the road and I thought about singing the old tune "King of the Road" as we towered over the other cars. I think Greg thought my enthusiam was silly but humored me by answering even more questions! Anyway as we were traveling up to the tire place he put this situation even further into perspective for me when he said, "Everyday I show up to a job and it's usually one person going to the hospital while I take what's left out to a junk yard. Calls like this are actually refreshing. Really you are lucky."

Moral of the story: Even when it's bad it's not that bad....things could be worse. Get over yourself and find the silver lining.

How to Pick a Fight at Work

Who writes this garbage on MSN? It really boosts my ego and makes me think that their freelance jobs aren’t hard to come by. Did anyone read this article today? I had to comment on it because it exceeded my very expectations, not only was it horrible but I found it entirely useless. How do you pick a fight at work? First of all it’s not a logical question. DON'T pick a fight. If anything let them pick fights with you. The word "fight" implies that there is a confrontation with a violent outcome or an angry argument must happen. Common Sense 101, you won’t get what you want through forceful interaction. If you have something that is bugging you or you need to correct a person’s behavior, ask them to change and then you. Why do you have to waste your time harboring ill will and calculating the outcome while you wait for an opportune moment to strike? It’s childish.

In my case I have a secretary at work that doesn't want to learn anything that has entered our office after 1975. It is frusterating. She of course kept trying to pawn stuff off on me instead of learning the new systems until one day I asked her if she needed help learning to do it herself when my boss happened to be in the room. I went as far as to set up a time in my schedule to work with her, ....hehehe! Anyway, she pouted for a few weeks but dare I say it I think we are turning a corner. I wasn't about to get into a fight with a 65 year old woman. Are you kidding me? What would that say about me?

(On the other hand if you do want to be childish try passive–aggressive behavior. It’s much more fun especially if you have terrible odds when it comes to your fighting ability. Mind games are key!)

To all my peeps (not just the marshmellows)

Happy Belated Easter To All!

Haven't had time to write much since I've been on the road most of the day for business. Ah well! Didn't get to participate in an egg hunt this year which is just as well. I tend to get competitive and injure myself...if you knew my family you'd understand why. We take our hunting very seriously. I did however find plenty of food at my Grandma's and ate way too much! It's okay though. I gave up working-out for Lent. Now that it's over I'm back at it. I am kidding, I hit the gym regualarly. I am going to step it up though. Got to get in shape if I'm going to make my buddy run in a race with me!

Follow Up - Day 2

In my research I freaked myself out a little trying to figure out the cause. So in case anyone is still interested here is a paper I found on hiccups. It's quite interesting and caused my hypochondriac self to have a little fun looking up liver disease, kidney failure, heart attack.....yikes! As of 10am this morning though I haven't been hiccupping. Hurray!

Patent Application of Larry R. Nolan for
A DIETARY SUPPLEMENT FOR STOPPING HICCUPS

Background--Field of Invention This invention relates to a dietary supplement, and more particularly, to a dietary supplement for use in stopping hiccups. Background--Description of Prior Art Presently, there are millions of people around the world who suffer from hiccups or hiccoughs. This is a common condition characterized by the repeated involuntary spasmodic contractions of the diaphragm, followed by sudden closure of the glottis, which checks the inflow of air and produces the characteristic sounds. Mild hiccups are most often a reaction to common digestive disturbances, however, there are times when people hiccup for no apparent reason. No one knows for sure why these episodes occur but experts do know that even infants hiccup and the reflex occurs intermittently throughout life. Chronic or consistent hiccups can be a sign of a more serious medical problem. Virtually anything that affects the head, chest, or abdomen such as kidney failure, liver disease, cancer, nervous system problems, ulcers or heart attack can cause hiccups. The contraction of the diaphragm is caused by stimulation of the vagus nerve either by the brain or by irritation anywhere along the length of the nerve. The vagus sends a signal to the phrenic nerve which leads to the diaphragm. The diaphragm then spasms causing the hiccup. Depending on the severity of the condition, there are various home remedies, drugs, and surgery that are used to stop hiccups. The most common home remedies are breathing into a paper bag, holding one's breath, drinking water, eating sugar, or sucking on a slice of lemon. Two of the drugs used for severe cases are prochlorperazine, and chlorpromazine. Intractable hiccups may require surgery to cut the link between the phrenic nerve and the diaphragm, as a means of stopping the spasms. The home remedies may work sometimes but they are usually slow in stopping the hiccups. The drugs and surgery are expensive and may produce side effects. Accordingly, there is a need for an inexpensive and fast acting means of stopping hiccups with no side effects. Objects and Advantages (a) With the foregoing in mind, it is a primary object of the present invention to provide a dietary supplement for use in stopping hiccups. (b) It is another object of the present invention to provide a dietary supplement for stopping hiccups that is comprised of natural ingredients. (c) It is still a further object of the present invention to provide a dietary supplement for stopping hiccups that has minimal or no side effects and is safe for internal consumption. (d) It is still a further object of the present invention to provide a dietary supplement for stopping hiccups that is inexpensive and fast acting. (e) It is still a further object of the present invention to provide a dietary supplement for stopping hiccups that is in full compliance with the Dietary Supplement Health and Education Act of 1994 (DSHEA). These and other objects and advantages of the present invention will be more readily apparent in the summary and description which follows. Summary of the Invention The present invention is directed to a dietary supplement for use in stopping hiccups. The dietary supplement is comprised of natural ingredients. Specifically, the dietary supplement composition of the present invention includes Key Lime concentrate, Lemon concentrate, and Lime Essential Oil. Key Lime, also known as Peruvian lime is a fruit known botanically as Citrus Aurantifolia.

Hiccups!

Hiccups! What causes them is a medical mystery. I’ve been researching it because my case is now bordering on an hour. I am beginning to believe that my condition is chronic and I’ll never be normal again! I’m so annoyed that plunging a pen through my trachea and yanking out a lung seems like the best remedy. Good grief! In my job I talk to a lot of people. This afternoon, much to my dismay I have to be a mute. I may be learning to appreciate the sound of silence but when that silence is breached by an occasional gasp followed by a guttural stop, this silence is no longer golden.

My dad called me earlier and found my frustration amusing. I was excited to hear from him since we hadn’t been able to talk in a couple weeks, yet when I tried to form complete sentences….hiccup! I had some good stories to tell him too! My patience was further tested when I had to explain some new projections to my boss. In between sentences I’d hold my breath praying for them to go away. Don’t think my boss noticed but when I got back to my office I had to breath in a brown paper bag because I was a bit hyperventilated.

Hiccup!!! Come on!

Are you my mother?...Seriously?

This morning on the radio during my morning commute I heard an update on the Holland case which has been a big story down here in the Lansing area for a while. There was a boy named Ricky Holland who disappeared and the parents told the police he probably ran away. Many members of the community got involved with trying to find him, but as the investigation progressed the parents seemed more and more guilty. After Ricky’s adopted father finally showed authorities where the body was buried, charges were brought up against both parents who are now pointing fingers at each other.

Lock them both up and throw away the key. Though it only took one of them to swing the hammer, to cover something like this up is just as bad. This whole case makes me sick and leads me to an irony I was talking about with my friend Jess earlier: You need to have a license to drive a car, own a dog, build, go fishing, hunt, ….however the bar seems to be set pretty low when it comes to being a parent. Can anyone explain this to me? In the case of adoption I would think this sort of thing could be avoided. I get that this may be one case amongst many successful cases but when you hear that there has been a history of abuse in Ricky’s life, you see that when the system fails, it fails big.

Ricky Holland was seven years old.




http://www.lsj.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060412/NEWS01/604120350/1001/news

DEMOTIVATION

We're on to you, Extreme Makeover!

Here is the news link
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/12100098/

Saw this today and all I could say was "Thank you, Captain Obvious." The article asks the loaded question "extreme makeover or extreme exploitation"? My answer: YES! If you have watched this show you know what a joke this is. If you haven't watched this show then let me enlighten you. Extreme Makeover: Home Edition is a relatity show that operates on the premise that there is this family living in a house that is not meeting their needs and then suddenly Ty Pennington and a team comes in and build them a new home. The fact that most of these families are dealing with some sort of tragedy just makes good television. We all want to see something good happen to the down-trodden. Seeing good things happen to a totally capable family is boring...that is why the Publisher's Clearinghouse ads only last like 30 seconds. Long enough to be interesting but short enough for us to not notice the fully loaded Hummer in their driveway.

I use to watch Extreme Makehover every Sunday with my good friends Jessie and Aaron. It was a ritual. We were amused at how in a manor of a week, this team of builders could erect a new home with all these clever convienences inspite of the fact that Ty would be all up in their faces trying to be a funny host with his personal video camera. (Side bar: When he was on TLC's Trading Spaces I found him much hotter because he didn't have a lot of lines.)

The reason I quit watching it though was I realized that I was beginning to wish that I or my friends could be on the show and get an awesome house. So, I would think up what kind of illness or injury would make me a good candidate. In the end, I decided that if a program made me long to have a mental disability or a tragic incident occur perhaps it wasn't good television after all, at least for me!

SPYING ON MYSELF

Is there something that your spouse, significant other, family member or friend won’t tell you? What if there was a way to find out? Would you take it?

Look no further that the A& E Network’s new reality show “Spying on Myself”. This clever little show not only validates personal illusions, it also proves that the individual on the show, “the point” is totally insecure or that a previous functional relationship is a sham. These are the two extremes that are generally exploited to make "good" reality television. How? This is done of course in the good old fashion way of using dishonesty and manipulation. I would describe this program as Jerry Springer meets Candid Camera and that is a compliment. They could sink this program into a deeper circle of syndcated hell, but they do have some standards since it is aired on basic cable and fits nicely into a half an hour time slot!

Here is how it works: You have an the "point person" who is unhappy and decides the only way they can get the “mark” to divulge information they have to know is by utilizing costumes, make up, and false pretenses. Accomplices also join in on the con and when it is all put together it is quite an elaborate scheme complete with a control room where producers sit and feed the point person and the accomplices’ lines. Most of the get up or characters created for the point person are pretty sad. Even though your are suppose to empathize with the “point person” you end of feeling bad for the mark every time as they sit there and the expression on their face reads “are you kidding me?” and then have to be faced with the knowledge that they’ve been exposed on national television.

If you don’t place a lot of stock in the sanctity of marriage, respect the bonds of friendship, or don’t encourage one on one communication with loved ones, this might be up your alley. Whether you end up being the point person on this show, with good intentions or not, no one comes out of these scenarios looking good, including me who wasted a half an hour watching it.

In the Line of Fire

Lockdown, the third hour.....Guess what happened?

http://www.lansingstatejournal.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060320/NEWS01/603200352/1150

For those who do not wish you follow the link let me summarize. A cop was shot a few doors down from here this morning and now there is a man hunt going on in the neighborhood. If there wasn't an armed fugitive within a mile of this place, I would be quite annoyed with the helicopter that keeps zooming by my window. Anyway, we are suppose to stay in and lock the doors. A cop is suppose to call or stop in and let us know if we have to leave or if the "lockdown" is over. Needless to say nothing is getting done around the office. Besides the intent surveillance of the police activities outdoors, everyone is taking turns telling war stories...Unfortunately for me I was never in a war.

I don't mean to be a smart ass but I am tempted to ask the officer in our parking lot if I could borrow a kevlar vest for a lunch meeting.