Celebrity People Skills or Lack There Of

Below are a few fine examples of why celebs hire mouth pieces. A friend of mine told me at lunch that water always settles at the level it belongs. Perhaps you can put a person in Hollywood but you can totally transform them into amazing frescos...eventually the cracks will show. Besides the fact that we all know Naomi has been insane for years, I couldn't help but watch that Britney interview. It was like watching a car accident, you can not not look. She is the epitomy of the blackhole of celebritydome and I bet her PR guy is earning his money. I'm just curious how far she will sink and if it is possible for her to ever get out of this downward spiral.


Another Maid Sues Naomi Campbell (The Phone Thrower!)
http://movies.msn.com/movies/article.aspx?news=226202&GT1=7701

Axel Rose Bites a Security Guard
http://music.msn.com/music/article.aspx?news=226220

Britney's Redneck Interview..."We're Just Country, Y'all"
http://www.slate.com/id/2144188/

Save Screech

http://tv.msn.com/tv/article.aspx?news=225647&GT1=7703

You knew him as the annoying sidekick Samuel "Screech" Powers to the 80's hearthrob Zac Morris on "Saved By The Bell." Now he's being evicted. This is just an article I came by the other day and wondered how many 80's child stars are in the same plight. They star for years in a highly lucrative franchise and then get dropped when agents decide they no longer have that sexy or or in this case dorky appeal. This is when they learn the fated hollywood lesson that you need to read your contract before you sign it. They still run "Saved By The Bell" like ten times a day on TBS...I know this from my mono days. Screech got screwed over.l

St Johns: a city that is in no way like the island

I was in St. Johns on business and thought I would wander around and find my Aunt who was allegedly getting married there today. Never ran into her or her fiancé which surprised me because the population of that city is like 50 people…alright, alright, it just seems that way.

Of course she is down in the Caribbean. Good thing too. Though I have nothing against John Deere, I don’t think riding off into the sunset on an old tractor with a “Just Married” sign would be her scene. Give me an island in the sun any day! Hope they enjoy the vacation abroad.

Congradulations Jeannette and Greg!

George Sticks His Foot In His Mouth

President Bush: Peter. Are you going to ask that question with shades on?

Peter Wallsten of the Los Angeles Times: I can take them off.

Bush: I'm interested in the shade look, seriously.

Wallsten: All right, I'll keep it, then.

Bush: For the viewers, there's no sun.

Wallsten: I guess it depends on your perspective.

Bush: Touché.

—Exchange with legally blind reporter Peter Wallsten, to whom Bush later apologized, Washington, D.C., June 14, 2006

Oh well!

My dreams of being a professional Paper, Rock, Scissors Champ went up in smoke today while I was practicing with the neighbor kids in the stairwell. The agony of defeat was realized when I went zero for five.

Instead of going home to cry (which I did later) I dazzled them by whistling a tune. They can’t whistle and I refused to show them because I figure they could learn to be a little more humble.

Is this worth reporting?

Click the title.

Paper, Rock, Scissors is not just for the playground any more.

This is either the most colossal waste of time or an awsome game. It reminds me of trick bowling but it requires no skill and an aptitude for probability. These people take it seriously...see the below quotes from this article.

'Bissett, 21, used some unorthodox techniques on his way to earning the title. In the semifinals, he threw a triple-paper, confusing his opponent. A throw of rock in the finals earned him the title and the trip.'

'"His rock’s getting solid, we’re working on his scissors," Bentley said.'

The best part is this guy got served by a six year old girl. Burn! Oh this makes me laugh.



P.S. Mom, I decided what I want to do with my life.

25 Ain't No Jive!

Today is my younger brother’s birthday. I have to say “younger” instead of “little” obviously, as you can see…I got nothing! Such is life! He turns the big 25 today.

Back in MI

Ah Idaho...I shall miss you. While you all were dealing with record high temperatures, here is a sample of where I was. Yes, that is in fact snow! Pretty awesome!

The Great Outdoors

Hey all! Not much time to write. Heading up into the mountains for camping, hiking, fishing, ......running from bears.........Anyway, here are a few pics from yesterday's adventures through Boise!

To Idaho I Go!

"Esto Perpetua" means "It is perpetual." That is the motto of this state I am going to visit over Memorial Day weekend. Does that mean the state never changes or is this a reference to it's people? Hmmmm... yeah, a loaded question, but before I go deep I compiled some fun facts. Perhaps you will learn something.

Potatoes! I am a fan and read the labels of the food I eat. I found a link to a website that just concentrates on famous Idaho Potato recipes. Pretty sweet or rather starchy!

(okay bad joke...moving on)

Idaho also boasts high yields of trout, Austria Winter Peas and Lentils. Love the trout, hate the peas, and lentils? well, my mom likes 'em so that's 2 out of 3.

Idaho is the 13th largest state with a river system that travels 3,100 miles (more than any other state). This of course means that fly fishing and hunting is really big....I am picturing the movie "A River Runs Through It" right now. Though that movie takes place in Montana and Brad Pitt does not actually live there, putting him in the mental image doesn't hurt though.

The Land: This is from the state website that says it better than I could.

"The panhandle is emerald green hillsides, timbered mountains and sprinkled with lakes of all sizes. Central Idaho is covered with jagged peaks. The Snake River Plain, with its wide open vistas, irrigated farm lands and vibrant cities forms the character of Southern Idaho.
Idaho’s history lies with its native tribes, the Lewis and Clark Expedition and determined pioneers on the Oregon Trail."

Abundant outdoor recreation opportunities attract over 20 million tourists annually. Idaho is the home of Sun Valley, created in 1936, and America's first ski resort!

Idaho is know as "the gem state" for it's 72 precious and semi-precious gem stones which can be found no where else in the world.

Below are some facts I've never come accross before when hearing about a state.

The State Horse: Appaloosa ......it's a type of horse, not a concert!

The State Dance: Square Dance

....dosey-do ......
and swing your partner round the rest, head back home and promanade left..........

yes in another life I was a dance caller, alls I'm saying.]

The News:

The governor and the department of natural resources is currently suing the Federal Government for the EPA's program of releasing grizzly bears into central Idaho. This is an effort by the Federal Government to protect and increase a population that is on the endagered species list, but the state is less than thrill to comply. I plan on camping while I am out there but I'm not worries since my brother-in-law is a gun enthisuast. No offense EPA!

Well that's all for now. Hope you learned something.

The Idaho State Song....who knew!

Here we Have Idaho

Official State Song by Enactment of Twenty-first Session of Idaho Legislature
Verses by Albert J.Tompkins

Chorus by McKinley Helm

Music by Sallie Hume-Douglas'

Arranged by Craig Chernos

Download this song in Mp3 format

You’ve heard of the wonders our land does possess,

Its beautiful valleys and hills.

The majestic forests where nature abounds,

We love every nook and rill

Chorus:
And here we have Idaho,

Winning her way to fame.

Silver and gold in the sunlight blaze,

And romance lies in her name.

Singing, we’re singing of you,

Ah, proudly too. All our lives thru,

We’ll go singing, singing of you,

Singing of Idaho.

There’s truly one state in this great land of ours,

Where ideals can be realized.

The pioneers made it so for you and me,

A legacy we’ll always prize.

Chorus:
And here we have Idaho,

Winning her way to fame.

Silver and gold in the sunlight blaze,

And romance lies in her name.

Singing, we’re singing of you,

Ah, proudly too. All our lives thru,

We’ll go singing, singing of you,

Singing of Idaho.

http://gov.idaho.gov/fyi/song/index.htm

Where Would We Be Without Our Moms?

Yes, that is a loaded question. I can only speak for myself since I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting these women who have sat at home waiting on the second weekend in May every year for you to call and congratulate them on bringing you into the world and surviving you for an “x” number of years. While Mother’s Day is a good excuse to go for a buffet dinner or give her the overly glittered picture frame you made in your third grade art class, the reason President Woodrow Wilson designated the second Sunday in May as Mother’s Day in 1914 was to recognize these women and be sure not to let them be taken for granted.

Years ago on a Mother’s Day, I was awake early watching my mom eat the pancakes we made, even though they tasted funny because at our age we didn’t determine that there is a difference between baking soda and baking powder. She told us that Mother’s Day mattered little to her because she already knew we loved her and we didn’t need to go to such measures and get her gifts. Therefore in her explanation, everyday was Mother’s Day. I’m sure it was meant, but realistically I think it was partially intended to keep my brother out of the baking cabinet for a few more years until he could read recipes properly! Anyway, I imagined that in her ideal world where every day was Mother’s Day, her four children all under the age of five would always behave like little angels. Therefore Mother’s Day must be a solid attempt by the rest of the family to give our mom a glimpse of that unlikely Utopia.

Have you ever read the children’s book “Are you My Mother?” written by P.D. Eastman? It’s about a young bird that hatches while his mother is out looking for food. He falls out of the nest and goes on a journey meeting many diverse characters to whom he poses the question “are you my mother?” Eventually he finds his way home, where his life finally makes sense and falls asleep under his mother’s wing. It is a story of belonging and recognizes the special bond that can only exist between a parent and a child. As we grow and discover our identity it is innate that we first turn to our parents for acceptance. They are the ‘I love you no matter what’ constants by whom we are able to find our footing especially during the tough times.

At times I swore I was adopted or my mom came from another universe. Even as a grown woman I sometimes find we don’t speak the same language but behind any misunderstanding or disagreement is always good intention. I try not to limit my appreciation to a single day. I also keep in mind what my mom gave up in order to raise my brothers, sister and I, and that I never once heard her speak of regret or complain about her choices. During my upbringing, every day wasn’t a page out of the “Walton’s” or "Ozzie and Harriet" land, but I was always loved and cared for. And though my mother was never officially awarded “Mom of the Year” she always has been in my book.

To the most beautiful woman in the world! Happy Mother's Day!

Below are a few quotes that I love. Feel free to use them on your Mother’s Day card! I plan to!

Home is where your mom is!

A mother understands what a child does not say. –a Jewish proverb

All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel Mother. –Abraham Lincoln

It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't. –Barbara Kingsolver

Anyone who doesn't miss the past never had a mother.

Richer than Gold

You may have fortunes untold
Mountains of riches and coffers of gold
Richer than I you will never be
I had a mother who read to me

Art's...Need I Say More?

Art’s Bar is a friendly establishment in downtown off of Kalamazoo I frequent occassionally with the usual suspects (you know who you are). Only true Lansing enthusiasts frequent it for good reason, no one takes themselves too seriously there and hence the laid back attitude has survived for over fifty years. I personally enjoy the motto that has been synonymous with Art’s since it’s establishment in 1948, “Hey it’s Art’s, Lighten Up.” Art’s has a pretense of being a blue collar dive where the beer is watered down and the food is as greasy as it is good for you. This however is just to keep the frat boy, college age, party goers away. We like to keep things down to a dull roar and only let the pure sports fan or heavy drinker thru the door. This is where the fun begins. Imagine MSU stadium and Cheers rolled into one for those of you still reaching for a clear picture.

First you will meet Bill, the barkeep. He has plenty of spirits behind him but gives you an annoyed expression when you order anything but what’s on draft. We tested his patience on Saturday night by daring to order a “Dirty Girl Scout”. Much to our dismay, Bill didn’t have the ingredients but did proceed to make us a few whiskey shots that were delicious. Because we were so nice and probably a bit too friendly, he only charged us for one round…we had four shots a piece by then!

There are a gob of friendly waitresses who work pretty hard for decent tips. I was there a few weeks ago when our waitress did a shot with our table and then proceeded to play a round of “Quarters” before getting back to handle her other tables. Maybe some of the waitresses act like Coyote Ugly casting rejects but either way it was cool.

Now I come to Art’s most famous asset, Phil, the Sinatra “impersonator”. I use that term loosely but what Phil lacks in talent he makes up for in volume! I met Phil a few months ago and he remembers me by name because we had a lengthy discussion up at the jukebox about the Rat Pack. He is a grey haired, tired looking man, but don’t let his Harry Potter glasses that cover a good third of his face fool you, once the music starts he comes to life, much to the chagrin of the whole bar. Last time I was there Phil was breaking a twenty at the bar so he could fill the song set up with Sinatra’s Greatest Hits CD…and he did it too, the whole CD. “It’s up to you, New York, New Yoooooork!”

And finally I must mention shuffle board. What is even more awesome is that it is free. With a shooper (a huge goblet) of beer in one hand and your puck in the other it is fun to give it a try. It is great when you discover you aren’t half bad at it. It is easy to be overcome with a competitive spirit while playing. I have been witness to some pretty intense games but its harmless because usual the stake are only as high as who is paying for the next round of shoopers.

I would quote Toby Keith’s “I Love This Bar” but you are more likely to hear the Stones or something recorded before 1985 than anything recent. Art’s wood paneling, rickety dart boards and falling ceiling projector may not impress many, but what Art’s lacks in refinement and class is definitely made up for with its unique character.

Alive, Alert, Awake, Enthusiastic!

I remember the early mornings at camp when we would roll out of bed and stumble down to the flag pole yawning and squint at the rising sun as the layer of fog was still blanketed over the lake below. The ducks would still be huddled on the swimming platform and you couldn't help but think to yourself, this early morning stuff is nuts. Just then the Director would come running out of her cabin and just as she had done every morning for the past few months to lead us in a morning chant -I'm alive, alert, awake, enthusiastic! This was of course sung with a lot less vigor than that of the Director. (I had long suspected she use to down a Red Bull before meeting up for morning flag.)

I bring this up on a Monday morning because a bad attitude can weigh on a person for the whole week. This little cheer above, though painful at the crack of dawn, worked and it was hard not to have more of a spring in my step after yelling that positive phrase. Everywhere around us is negativity that continually bashes us down. Be conscious of this and you will find that less things will affect you. You can harnass it. In this spirit, every morning, especially on Mondays, as I walk out to my car to head to work, I look up at the sky. If it is sunny I stop, make myself smile big, and as I stretch I take a deep breath of fresh air. If it is cloudy or rainy, I still smile and take a deep breath. Odds are there are plants in the yard that could really use a drink. I then jump in the car and as I head to work I put in a little Motown and sing at the top of my lungs. Trust me, it makes all the difference.

If you are going to have a bad attitude don't let it be because you just woke up that way. Let it be someone else's fault!

All Hail to Greg, the Zen Master of the Towing World!

This morning I was exhausted. I had stayed up late reading this really good book and lost track of time. Anyway, I jumped in my car while downing the usual toast and diet coke (my coffee substitute) and something was off. I had either gained a half of a ton of weight last night (unlikely) or my car was way off balance. I climbed out and slammed the door on a finger and as I yelled out in agony, I discovered that I had a tire that was completely flat. It's the same one I had to get fixed a few weeks ago up north at Walmart, so I was a little steamed. Now that I think about it Walmart's clever motto is "Always low prices" and has nothing to do with doing decent work for customers. (FYI - I found out from my tire guy down here that Walmart auto repair is pretty hit and miss.)

As I waited for my tow truck to come I sat on the front stoop and decided to call my friend Jessie. I needed to rant and she puts up with me...that is a test of a true friend. Unfortuneately she wasn't around, but as I left her a message I realized that it was kind of silly for me to complain. It is a beautiful morning and I wasn't sitting in a dark office and dealing with the daily stress at work. I pushed up my sleeves to catch some rays and pulled out my book and started to read. I was disappointed when the wrecker finally did show up. I was enjoying myself.

That was when I met Greg. He was a very patient guy willing to answer all of my many questions and even had a few automobile jokes to boot. (i.e. What do you call a four door chicken coup?...a chicken sedan!) We climbed up into his rig and started down the road and I thought about singing the old tune "King of the Road" as we towered over the other cars. I think Greg thought my enthusiam was silly but humored me by answering even more questions! Anyway as we were traveling up to the tire place he put this situation even further into perspective for me when he said, "Everyday I show up to a job and it's usually one person going to the hospital while I take what's left out to a junk yard. Calls like this are actually refreshing. Really you are lucky."

Moral of the story: Even when it's bad it's not that bad....things could be worse. Get over yourself and find the silver lining.

How to Pick a Fight at Work

Who writes this garbage on MSN? It really boosts my ego and makes me think that their freelance jobs aren’t hard to come by. Did anyone read this article today? I had to comment on it because it exceeded my very expectations, not only was it horrible but I found it entirely useless. How do you pick a fight at work? First of all it’s not a logical question. DON'T pick a fight. If anything let them pick fights with you. The word "fight" implies that there is a confrontation with a violent outcome or an angry argument must happen. Common Sense 101, you won’t get what you want through forceful interaction. If you have something that is bugging you or you need to correct a person’s behavior, ask them to change and then you. Why do you have to waste your time harboring ill will and calculating the outcome while you wait for an opportune moment to strike? It’s childish.

In my case I have a secretary at work that doesn't want to learn anything that has entered our office after 1975. It is frusterating. She of course kept trying to pawn stuff off on me instead of learning the new systems until one day I asked her if she needed help learning to do it herself when my boss happened to be in the room. I went as far as to set up a time in my schedule to work with her, ....hehehe! Anyway, she pouted for a few weeks but dare I say it I think we are turning a corner. I wasn't about to get into a fight with a 65 year old woman. Are you kidding me? What would that say about me?

(On the other hand if you do want to be childish try passive–aggressive behavior. It’s much more fun especially if you have terrible odds when it comes to your fighting ability. Mind games are key!)

To all my peeps (not just the marshmellows)

Happy Belated Easter To All!

Haven't had time to write much since I've been on the road most of the day for business. Ah well! Didn't get to participate in an egg hunt this year which is just as well. I tend to get competitive and injure myself...if you knew my family you'd understand why. We take our hunting very seriously. I did however find plenty of food at my Grandma's and ate way too much! It's okay though. I gave up working-out for Lent. Now that it's over I'm back at it. I am kidding, I hit the gym regualarly. I am going to step it up though. Got to get in shape if I'm going to make my buddy run in a race with me!

Follow Up - Day 2

In my research I freaked myself out a little trying to figure out the cause. So in case anyone is still interested here is a paper I found on hiccups. It's quite interesting and caused my hypochondriac self to have a little fun looking up liver disease, kidney failure, heart attack.....yikes! As of 10am this morning though I haven't been hiccupping. Hurray!

Patent Application of Larry R. Nolan for
A DIETARY SUPPLEMENT FOR STOPPING HICCUPS

Background--Field of Invention This invention relates to a dietary supplement, and more particularly, to a dietary supplement for use in stopping hiccups. Background--Description of Prior Art Presently, there are millions of people around the world who suffer from hiccups or hiccoughs. This is a common condition characterized by the repeated involuntary spasmodic contractions of the diaphragm, followed by sudden closure of the glottis, which checks the inflow of air and produces the characteristic sounds. Mild hiccups are most often a reaction to common digestive disturbances, however, there are times when people hiccup for no apparent reason. No one knows for sure why these episodes occur but experts do know that even infants hiccup and the reflex occurs intermittently throughout life. Chronic or consistent hiccups can be a sign of a more serious medical problem. Virtually anything that affects the head, chest, or abdomen such as kidney failure, liver disease, cancer, nervous system problems, ulcers or heart attack can cause hiccups. The contraction of the diaphragm is caused by stimulation of the vagus nerve either by the brain or by irritation anywhere along the length of the nerve. The vagus sends a signal to the phrenic nerve which leads to the diaphragm. The diaphragm then spasms causing the hiccup. Depending on the severity of the condition, there are various home remedies, drugs, and surgery that are used to stop hiccups. The most common home remedies are breathing into a paper bag, holding one's breath, drinking water, eating sugar, or sucking on a slice of lemon. Two of the drugs used for severe cases are prochlorperazine, and chlorpromazine. Intractable hiccups may require surgery to cut the link between the phrenic nerve and the diaphragm, as a means of stopping the spasms. The home remedies may work sometimes but they are usually slow in stopping the hiccups. The drugs and surgery are expensive and may produce side effects. Accordingly, there is a need for an inexpensive and fast acting means of stopping hiccups with no side effects. Objects and Advantages (a) With the foregoing in mind, it is a primary object of the present invention to provide a dietary supplement for use in stopping hiccups. (b) It is another object of the present invention to provide a dietary supplement for stopping hiccups that is comprised of natural ingredients. (c) It is still a further object of the present invention to provide a dietary supplement for stopping hiccups that has minimal or no side effects and is safe for internal consumption. (d) It is still a further object of the present invention to provide a dietary supplement for stopping hiccups that is inexpensive and fast acting. (e) It is still a further object of the present invention to provide a dietary supplement for stopping hiccups that is in full compliance with the Dietary Supplement Health and Education Act of 1994 (DSHEA). These and other objects and advantages of the present invention will be more readily apparent in the summary and description which follows. Summary of the Invention The present invention is directed to a dietary supplement for use in stopping hiccups. The dietary supplement is comprised of natural ingredients. Specifically, the dietary supplement composition of the present invention includes Key Lime concentrate, Lemon concentrate, and Lime Essential Oil. Key Lime, also known as Peruvian lime is a fruit known botanically as Citrus Aurantifolia.

Hiccups!

Hiccups! What causes them is a medical mystery. I’ve been researching it because my case is now bordering on an hour. I am beginning to believe that my condition is chronic and I’ll never be normal again! I’m so annoyed that plunging a pen through my trachea and yanking out a lung seems like the best remedy. Good grief! In my job I talk to a lot of people. This afternoon, much to my dismay I have to be a mute. I may be learning to appreciate the sound of silence but when that silence is breached by an occasional gasp followed by a guttural stop, this silence is no longer golden.

My dad called me earlier and found my frustration amusing. I was excited to hear from him since we hadn’t been able to talk in a couple weeks, yet when I tried to form complete sentences….hiccup! I had some good stories to tell him too! My patience was further tested when I had to explain some new projections to my boss. In between sentences I’d hold my breath praying for them to go away. Don’t think my boss noticed but when I got back to my office I had to breath in a brown paper bag because I was a bit hyperventilated.

Hiccup!!! Come on!

Are you my mother?...Seriously?

This morning on the radio during my morning commute I heard an update on the Holland case which has been a big story down here in the Lansing area for a while. There was a boy named Ricky Holland who disappeared and the parents told the police he probably ran away. Many members of the community got involved with trying to find him, but as the investigation progressed the parents seemed more and more guilty. After Ricky’s adopted father finally showed authorities where the body was buried, charges were brought up against both parents who are now pointing fingers at each other.

Lock them both up and throw away the key. Though it only took one of them to swing the hammer, to cover something like this up is just as bad. This whole case makes me sick and leads me to an irony I was talking about with my friend Jess earlier: You need to have a license to drive a car, own a dog, build, go fishing, hunt, ….however the bar seems to be set pretty low when it comes to being a parent. Can anyone explain this to me? In the case of adoption I would think this sort of thing could be avoided. I get that this may be one case amongst many successful cases but when you hear that there has been a history of abuse in Ricky’s life, you see that when the system fails, it fails big.

Ricky Holland was seven years old.




http://www.lsj.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060412/NEWS01/604120350/1001/news

DEMOTIVATION

We're on to you, Extreme Makeover!

Here is the news link
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/12100098/

Saw this today and all I could say was "Thank you, Captain Obvious." The article asks the loaded question "extreme makeover or extreme exploitation"? My answer: YES! If you have watched this show you know what a joke this is. If you haven't watched this show then let me enlighten you. Extreme Makeover: Home Edition is a relatity show that operates on the premise that there is this family living in a house that is not meeting their needs and then suddenly Ty Pennington and a team comes in and build them a new home. The fact that most of these families are dealing with some sort of tragedy just makes good television. We all want to see something good happen to the down-trodden. Seeing good things happen to a totally capable family is boring...that is why the Publisher's Clearinghouse ads only last like 30 seconds. Long enough to be interesting but short enough for us to not notice the fully loaded Hummer in their driveway.

I use to watch Extreme Makehover every Sunday with my good friends Jessie and Aaron. It was a ritual. We were amused at how in a manor of a week, this team of builders could erect a new home with all these clever convienences inspite of the fact that Ty would be all up in their faces trying to be a funny host with his personal video camera. (Side bar: When he was on TLC's Trading Spaces I found him much hotter because he didn't have a lot of lines.)

The reason I quit watching it though was I realized that I was beginning to wish that I or my friends could be on the show and get an awesome house. So, I would think up what kind of illness or injury would make me a good candidate. In the end, I decided that if a program made me long to have a mental disability or a tragic incident occur perhaps it wasn't good television after all, at least for me!

SPYING ON MYSELF

Is there something that your spouse, significant other, family member or friend won’t tell you? What if there was a way to find out? Would you take it?

Look no further that the A& E Network’s new reality show “Spying on Myself”. This clever little show not only validates personal illusions, it also proves that the individual on the show, “the point” is totally insecure or that a previous functional relationship is a sham. These are the two extremes that are generally exploited to make "good" reality television. How? This is done of course in the good old fashion way of using dishonesty and manipulation. I would describe this program as Jerry Springer meets Candid Camera and that is a compliment. They could sink this program into a deeper circle of syndcated hell, but they do have some standards since it is aired on basic cable and fits nicely into a half an hour time slot!

Here is how it works: You have an the "point person" who is unhappy and decides the only way they can get the “mark” to divulge information they have to know is by utilizing costumes, make up, and false pretenses. Accomplices also join in on the con and when it is all put together it is quite an elaborate scheme complete with a control room where producers sit and feed the point person and the accomplices’ lines. Most of the get up or characters created for the point person are pretty sad. Even though your are suppose to empathize with the “point person” you end of feeling bad for the mark every time as they sit there and the expression on their face reads “are you kidding me?” and then have to be faced with the knowledge that they’ve been exposed on national television.

If you don’t place a lot of stock in the sanctity of marriage, respect the bonds of friendship, or don’t encourage one on one communication with loved ones, this might be up your alley. Whether you end up being the point person on this show, with good intentions or not, no one comes out of these scenarios looking good, including me who wasted a half an hour watching it.

In the Line of Fire

Lockdown, the third hour.....Guess what happened?

http://www.lansingstatejournal.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060320/NEWS01/603200352/1150

For those who do not wish you follow the link let me summarize. A cop was shot a few doors down from here this morning and now there is a man hunt going on in the neighborhood. If there wasn't an armed fugitive within a mile of this place, I would be quite annoyed with the helicopter that keeps zooming by my window. Anyway, we are suppose to stay in and lock the doors. A cop is suppose to call or stop in and let us know if we have to leave or if the "lockdown" is over. Needless to say nothing is getting done around the office. Besides the intent surveillance of the police activities outdoors, everyone is taking turns telling war stories...Unfortunately for me I was never in a war.

I don't mean to be a smart ass but I am tempted to ask the officer in our parking lot if I could borrow a kevlar vest for a lunch meeting.

When Irish Eyes Are Smiling...

In praise of St. Patrick's Day, thought I'd share a joke as well as a couple old Irish sayings. Hope you all enjoy your green eggs and ham and get your fill of green beer as you spend your day as an honorary Irish person. By the way, if you even think about pinching me, don't. I will hurt you.
_______________________________________________________

Two Irishmen, Patrick Murphy and Shawn O'Brian grew up together and were lifelong friends. But alas, Patrick developed cancer, and was dying. While on his deathbed, Patrick called to his buddy, Shawn, "O'Brian, come 'ere. I 'ave a request for ye."

Shawn walked to his friend's bedside and kneels."Shawny ole boy, we've been friends all our lives, and now I'm leaving 'ere. I 'ave one last request fir ye to do."

O'Brian burst into tears, "Anything Patrick, anything ye wish. It's done.""Well, under me bed is a box containing a bottle of the finest whiskey in all of Ireland. Bottled the year I was born it was. After I die, and they plant me in the ground, I want you to pour that fine whiskey over me grave so it might soak into me bones and I'll be able to enjoy it for all eternity."

O'Brian was overcome by the beauty and in the true Irish spirit of his friend's request, he asked, "Aye, tis a fine thing you ask of me, and I will pour the whiskey. But, might I strain it through me kidneys first?"
__________________________________________________________

The truth comes out when the spirit goes in.

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Beagán agus a rá go maith.

Be (e as in echo) gawn og us uh rah go (as in going) mah.

Say little but say it well.

Game On!

March Madness has begun. Why madness?...becasue anything can happen. I'm hoping my bracket doesn't get blown out of the water too soon. I am in an online league with some of my friends and as of 12:10pm today I have been bouncing off the walls. The Boston College game about killed me! Tennessee didn't look as good as I hoped either. Before I go on about every one of my hang ups with yesterday's games, I will let you know that I did in fact keep MSU in it till the sweet sixteen. This is not because I am an alum...well not totally atleast. MSU is a tournament team and have a history of exceeding expectations in the post season. We need Davis to stop looking so confused and get more aggressive, Ager and Brown to sink some buckets and Neitzel to have a good game. Our defensive isn't the greatest, but MSU is a worthy threat in my opinion. Lets hope my predictions pan out tonight, else I owe a friend $20! GO GREEN!!!

Mr President, Have Pity on the Working Man...

Alright woman, but it's a good song either way. It also serves as my theme song as I vigorously figure out how much of my money Uncle Sam is going to pry from my grasp this year. One good thing about Bush's tax cuts is that I get a larger standard deducation, but unfotuneately a raise last fall kicked me up a few tax brackets so really I am not as far ahead of the curve as I would like. Figuring out taxes is a game for me. Every year I seem to find a new deduction that may apply to my situtation. This year is a little tougher though! I'm not putting my calculator yet. There has got to be something else I can claim....I came accross credits for adoption, senior citizens, tuition, yadda yaddah yaddah....Not much out there for this single, white woman with a steady job, good health, no debt and no kids. Bummer!

Demotivation

Sacrifice

Your role may be thankless, but if you're willing to give it your all, you just might bring success to those who outlast you.

Driving Blind

I'm not refering to a really cold day when you don't want to leave the comfort of you heater to scrape off your wind shield so you employ x-ray vision to see your way down the road. I was perusing the headlines today on MSN and apparently there are schools in the Chicago area that make driver's education a requirement for graduation. This sounds ridiculous because these kid complain about haveing to waste time learning something they are never going to use. Is this a good idea? A class that reminds a blind student of their handicap and is a reminder of how they are different...as if living with a handicap isn't a reminder enough.

I thought this was a good argument even though the defense of "we will never have to use this in real life" has never worked in my case. For example: trigonometry, tredding water for 30 minutes, the metric system.......can you think of any other winners?

Iditarod

Random I know, but I was up in Alaska two years ago and I fell in love with the rich history surrounding this race which runs every March between Anchorage and Nome. Now I check in and get the latest stories from the trail. It's actually pretty interesting if you are into "off the beaten path" kind of sports. For those of you who are lucky enough to get the OLN tv channel, I hear they are airing it this week.

Here is a decent website if you are interested. (www.ultimateiditarod.com)

Fair winds and following seas

Aruba Adventure 2006 is over. I am already missing the white sandy beaches and amazing sunsets, but I have many memories to take with me. Blogger unfortuneately won't accept my pics, so while I'm working on this problem thought I'd atleast quel the rumors. I did return and I that I didn't chuck it all and become a permanent islander. The next question you want to ask me is 'why the heck not?' Highlights from the trip include advancing to a smaller board for wind surfing, seeing an octopus up close and personal thanks to an eager brother-in-law, and getting to dance on the beach with my dad! Good times were had and I'll update more soon!

Baby, It's Cold Outside!

How cold? I am in my office camped out by the radiator trying to thaw out. Luckily, my keyboard has an extra long cord, so I can type from over here. After thunder showers last night I woke up this morning to an icey world. Everything was glazed in crystal and sparkled in the sunlight. It was beautiful. As I stepped out of my apartment building I took in a breath of crisp air and seeing how the parking lot resembled more of an ice rink, I had to channel Michelle Kwan, pre-injury, to make it over to my car. I gave myself a 5.5. Wasn't a perfect effort since I did spill my tea a little but I inadvertantly slid on my last step to the car door which turned out rather graceful.

My car was frozen shut. As I was circling the car fighting each door I looked up to my elderly neighbor's window and she was perched on her chair waving. I bet she was getting quite the chuckle. After multiple trips for hot water (since I spilled a quater of it everytime I had to manage that ice), I finally got it open and started up. As I was driving down 496 (Olds Hwy) I heard a wind noise that didn't make sense when suddenly my passenger-side door flew open. I nearly last my purse and lunch as a gush of cold air wipped in taking me totally off guard. I few people honked at me because maybe they didn't realize my passenger door flew open or something. Luckily I have freakishly long arms and was able to reach accross the seat and hold the door till I could pull off and slam it shut. Whew!

Drove the rest of the way into work paranoid that my other doors were suddenly going to break loose. When I pulled into the parking lot, ironically enough the driver's side door had frozen shut (from all the hot water freezing after I got in) and I had to push it open. Now my left shoulder is killing me! Uhg!

To sum up: Me and Ice are fighting!

A Night with the Grinch

I went to see Seusical the Musical this weekend to see an amusing performance by my cousin as one of the Whos of Whoville, (That's him on the right!) Beside the fact that Aaron made a pretty funny Grinch and I never knew he could sing that low, the show reminded me of my childhood love of the Dr. Seuss stories. As you get older and distance yourself from the old Dr. Seuss books, you forget what simple, important lessons he taught us through satire and humor. For example, "The Lorax" is a parable of the short-sighted exploitation of natural resources. There is also the popular Horton the Elephant, featured in the musical, that trumpeted, "I meant what I said and I said what I meant. An elephant is faithful one hundred percent." and "...a person's a person no matter how small."

So thanks Dr. Seuss for The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, Sam I Am, Butter Battle Book, You're Only Old Once, Yertle the Turtle, Cat in the Hat, and all the others. You sparked imagination and creativity in countless number of children through the years. My childhood without his simple rhymes of outlandish names and places in the magical stories is inconceivable.

Here is one of my favorite quotes from Oh, the Places You'll Go!

"You're off to great places! Today is the day!

Your mountain is waiting. So...get on your way!"

Lessons from the Grizzly Man

Last weekend I watched the documentary on the Discovery Channel called "Grizzly Man". It documents the thriteen summers Timothy Treadwell spent out living in the Alaskan wildlife preserve with Grizzly Bears up to his death in 2003. I recomend this film for the simple fact that Tredwell managed to capture some spectacular footage of the wildlife in Alaska as well as some great scenic views of Alaska.

The human aspect of this movie, Tredwell, however, appears to be a complicated man. His dynamic alone is a bit of an enigma. I did not doubt his affection for the bears but he at times seems naive. For example in one scene he is sitting beside a dead fox and mourning. He crying about the cruelty of life which suprized me because being an ecologist I would assume he has an understanding it as being nature's way. In an other scenes he gets full of rage as he spews a tirade about the unfairness of the local park service and the pouching problem. His behavior borders on manic at times, but then I wonder who wouldn't be after living in that much solitude of the Grizzly Maze.

This leads me to consider what the "Grizzly Man" has taught me:

1) That which is in nature and is free is meant to be in nature and remain free.

2) If you don't respect nature, it's not going to repect you. And when nature doesn't repect you, it will hunt you down and kill you.

3) Grizzly Bears = 500-1,500 lbs and brains operate on instinct.....I'm not saying they are big and dumb, but naming them, petting them and saying "I love you" over and over again is not going to change the fact that you are looking pretty tasty when there is a drought and a food shortage.

4) When all alone in the Grizzly Maze, even grown men need teddy bears.

5) Would the Crocodile Hunter measure up in the wilds of Alaska?

Perhaps Tredwell's death at the hand or rather the paw of his obsession was inevitable. If anything, he did accomplish his ultimate goal which was to bring about more awareness for these treasures in the Alaska wild.

Grandpa

Lawrence Virgil Varner, my grandfather, died yesterday unexpectedly at the age of seventy-nine. Born in 1926 he has lived to see many changes in our nation including a world war, the rise and fall of Communism, the Great Depression, as well as the technological evolution. He loved farming. My mother often said that he was the most happy when he was out on his land with a tractor and wind in his hair. He was a big man and would tower over me and had such a long stride that I literally had to run in order to keep up with him on walks or when doing chores around the farm. My little legs would always be so relieved to rest when he would stop to feed and pet the dogs.

Once at a family wedding reception Grandpa was whisking my Grandma around the floor to a lively polka, a dance lost on my generation. At the end of the song he noticed me watching from the edge of my chair and came over and asked me if I wanted to try. Being fairly young I was unsure and I asked him if it was hard. He told me no because I'd have a good partner. When I asked him why he thought he was so good, he told me that dancing is how he got Grandma to love him. We started slow and then kicked us off into a break neck pace. As he sang along with the band I remember holding on tight and trying my best to keep up whlie guided by his strong frame.

My Grandfather had strong faith. When we would join them at their church, I liked to sit next to him. I can still hear him belt out the lyrics to "How Great Thou Art" with such conviction that the phrase "then sings my soul" really applies to him in that moment. For him the hymns were an extension of his belief in God. He also enjoyed music. He couldn't play an instrument but would be the first to jump up and hand out song books at my Aunt Joan and Uncle Greg's Christmas Party every year.

He had a quiet dignity about him. At family get-togethers it wasn't unusal to find him in a corner with his camera taking shots or perched up on his chair looking around the crowded room thoughtfully. He loved being around his family and friends. Up until his death he was doing the things he loved and enjoyed his life.

I am missing you Grandpa but am comforted that you are probably up in heaven right now striking up the band.

A Religious Enigma

How many Lutherans does it take to change a light bulb?...

What do you mean change!

Every religion has their own joke but in my church this is a reality. My church is failing. The average age there is well beyond 65 and there approximately 40 people who still attend regularly in a sactuary that fits well over 500. I joined a few years ago in hopes to help it improve but now I am torn between my stubborness to stay with my original goal and help make this place into what it could be or to leave and find a place where it won't be so hard to belong and find spiritual fufillment. My pastor called me in for a meeting a few weeks ago and was pleading with me to stick it out. I couldn't tell him I would. My problem is that I've been sticking it out for three years and all of my attempts to bring people in have failed. I'm tired of being a cheerleader and frusterated with the guilt that I could have done more.

This brings me to a question, are churches a thing of the past? Many churches are having simliar issues. They don't serve the purpose they once did (i.e. being the social center of an area for news and whatnot). Most of the ones built today resemble stadiums and event centers. I cannot disagree with the mentality that churches are a place to go on Sunday to put your time in, if there is some entertainment, all the better. There is a shortage out there of charismatic pastors and church leaders - people you want to hear talk, there is the unwillingness of people to change with the times, and there are plenty of judgement by most regardless of what you do. For me, I have had more "spiritual expiriences" outside of the church walls than inside. Is this just my age talking here or do other people agree?

New Poem

A few people have asked if I have written anything lately, and so here is something I've been tinkering with. I don't like to interpret things for others, it takes the fun away from the reader, but for those of you who see this as dark, you can blaim it on the cloudy Michigan weather. I also have a few people in my life that are terminally ill so emotions that involve goodbyes and death come to mind a lot quicker for me lately than anything else when I sit down and write.

Putting to Sea


Away I’ll sail from this shore
And leave my peaceful home
For this life of mine has been lived
And I crave the wavy unknown

I’ll miss those who watch along the docks
They blow kisses and cry for me
Understand not why I climbed aboard
On a boat putting out to sea

The wind fills the sail and the boat is carried off
Far from the shore with haste
I contently smile back to those I love
Before parting in time and space.

I will meet my fate upon these waters
Or perish on foreign shore
I obediently follow the first mate’s lead
My destiny is mine no more

At the edge of earth and heaven I’ll stand
On steady sea-worthy feet
When I finally reach that bold horizon
And there my Captain I’ll meet.

Back in Training

Just six more weeks until I head southward to the Aruba surf. Here are some pics from last year's windsurfing trip. I am missing the sun. Michigan winters are rough!

After feeling a little sore from bowling on Saturday night I decided I got to quit slacking and get moving or else I am going to be in pretty rough shape for this year's excursion. It is a long trip to just beat yourself up on the first day. We do a lot of the other stuff down there but windsurfing takes the most out of your body and you atleast have to have some kind of muscle to keep up.

So for hopeful encouragement to fellow trainees here is a little inspiration:

1. "The first wealth is health" - Ralph Waldo Emerson
2. "Pain is weakness leaving the body."
3. "Every human being is the author of his own health or disease." - Buddha
4. "There are always people who are fatter and skinner than you. The question to ask yourself is what side of that scale do you want to be on."
5. "Training gives us an outlet for surpressed energies created by stress and thus tones the spirit just as exersice conditions the body." - Arnold Schwarzenegger

And now for the couch potatos:

1. "Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now."
2. "On the tredmill of life there are the walkers and there are the joggers...and then there is the guye that owns the tredmill that the walkers and joggers pay."
3. "No pain, no pain."
4. "This is not fat on my bones it's potential (stored) energy."
5. "A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step or you can just hop on a plane and be there in a couple hours."

The Funniest Thing

Go to this website. Trust me. I was at a party last night and a friend pulled me and my buddy Aaron into the back room to show us this. We were on the floor crying because we were laughing so hard. My stomach muscles still hurt!

4q.cc

"Should all acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind"

What way better to begin the year than to sing this confusing if not contradicting lyric? Should we remember or forget them? Perhaps this is a case by case basis. It is kind of phrased like a question so maybe we should remember what is worth remembering and don't waste time on those you care to forget.

Also, we sing this every year but everyone gives me a puzzled look when I ask them what the phrase "Auld Lang Syne" means. I looked it up and found it is a very old Scottish song from the 1700s that loosely translated mean "for times gone by".

Below are the complete lyrics by Robert Burns 1700 translation from a much older poem in an older Scott dialect with translation:

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,

And never brought to mind?

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,

And days of auld lang syne?

(Should old acquaintances be forgotten)

(and never remembered)

(Should old acquaintance be forgotten)

(For old long ago)

Chorus:

For auld lang syne, my dear For auld Lang syne,

We'll tak a cup o kindness yet,For auld lang syne!

(For old long ago, my dear)( For old long ago)

(We will take a cup of kindness yet)(For old long ago)

And there's a hand my trusty fiere,

And gie's a hand o thine

And we'll tak a right guid-willie waught,

For auld lang sine

(And there is a hand my trust friend)

(And give me a hand of yours)

(And we will take of a good drink/toast)

(For old long ago)

We twa hae run aboot the braes

And pu'd the gowans fine.

We've wandered mony a weary foot,

Sin' auld lang syne.

(we two have run about the hills)

(and pulled the daisies fine)

(but we've wandered many a weary foot)

(since old long ago)

We twa hae paidl'd in the burn

Frae morning sun till dine

But seas between us braid hae roar'd

Sin auld lang syne

(we two have paddled in the stream)

(from morning sun (noon) until dinner-time)

( but seas between us broad have roared)

(since old long ago)

Oh Night Divine

It was Christmas Eve and as been the yearly tradition, we opened up the doors to family and friends who traveled to spend time with loved ones. The candles were lit in the windows, carols were sung beside the piano and violin, favorite foods of the season were laid out and we ate, and the glow from the Christmas tree brought smiles to all faces. Yes it was a year for the books. There may be 'no place like home for the holidays' but every year I like to reflect and be thankful for all who mange to stop by for some Christmas cheer. That "Home" in the quote above is not a place but whoever you are blessed to spend the holiday. I hope you all had somewhere to be on Christmas. It's just not a holiday unless you can share it with people you love.

The beauty of Christmas, that unlike any other holiday, it is easier to get caught up in the Yule and the joy. Is it the memories from our youth that come to mind or is just magic of the season that causes even the serious, stoic sole to manage a smile and give into the merriment of the season? I like to think that the Christmas spirit is contagious. I heard a lot of people say "Merry Christmas" or "Happy New Year" to total strangers during the build up to the holidays and that made me happy though it is unfortunate that people find it hard to share such pleasantries all year long. Perhaps that should be our challenge or resolution for the coming year.

Death of the Rhetorical Question

It wasn't until telling this story to a group of friends the other night at dinner that I thought maybe you might find amusing. The important point I want to make clear is that I am not saying I hate rhetorical questions. When used properly they can further a speakers point and have a real impact. This entry is however talking about the missuse of them and how to go about preventing people from ever using them again.

Last week things around the office were hectic with trying to tie up loose ends before the end of the year hits, so by Friday, my patience was pretty low. The secretary who works in our office was complaining as usual. I like to refer to her as the 'rhetorical queen'. She takes the "poor me" bit to a higher level than anyone I know. After about the fifth time of hearing, "How does he (my boss) expect me to get this done?" I decided to throw her off guard and seriously answer the question by telling her how to exactly do her job. She sat there confused for a second probably wondering how she was going to get her stellar rant in now. The fact that I used the phrase 'outsourcing to the company's main office' might have had something to do with her sudden silence. Ironically enough, everything did get done before 5pm. Who'd of thought? Well besides me.

I got back to my office and had a laugh over it. I think from now on I am going to answer all rhetorical questions if the speaker has a tendency to over use them. I am really enjoying the odd reactions I get from people!

Got this joke on email a while ago!

Santa or Satan?

I was boning up on some of my Christmas trivia today and came across this website:

Santa Claus: the Great Imposter

www.av1611.org/othpubls/santa.html

Can religion and secular mythology be reconciled during the holiday season?

The author of this article describes in great detail how and why Santa is not the innocent childhood fantasy but an influence of Satan in disguise. He quotes the Bible, hymns and carols which support his argument. Check it out if you are curious. I'm not going to dwell on his theory. This is something intended to bring people to faith but as I read it all I could think about was Saturday Night Live when Dana Carvey use to do that Church Lady sketch. Much like Dana Carvey, I don't think that by teaching our children about Santa Claus is urging them to worship the devil.

I came across this extremist view before. I had a friend whose parents were very strict. She couldn't go trick-or-treating on Halloween, they never had an egg hunt on Easter, and Christmas was celebrated by going to church and then home where their sole decoration was a Nativity Set and no presents in sight. While it is not for me to judge what they found appropriate, there are beneficial results in urging your children to believe in fantasies. If you can succeed in opening your child's mind to something outside the realm of the literal, black, white fact you urge them to develop an imagination and sense of creativity. This spawns an ability to see things in a different way which is a trait already so rare in most people.

In the case of Santa, believing in him is not the problem. I think it is possible to teach kids about God and tell stories about Santa Claus. As long as it is done with some kind of tact, I don't think you will see kids putting Santa altars up and forgetting the baby Jesus. Parents are not idiots. If you want to draw lines I imagine all the "once upon a times..." Go out the window with the Tooth Fairy, Peter Cotton Tail...Etc....What kind of childhood would that be like? As adults this former belief in there being Father Christmas evolves, and what we love about Santa is that he becomes a physical representation to what we all feel inside ourselves this time of year, Christmas Spirit. This is goodwill, adoration for our fellow man, and for a lot of people this is thanksgiving for the birth of the Savior.

Though it is only a matter of moving an "n" from Santa to Satan, I am not convinced that they are the same guy.

An Albino Moose

This is not a conspiracy...there is a such thing as an albino moose. My sister sent me this picture from Anchorage, Alaska. I thought it would be appropriate to show you this today since with the wind chill it is around five degrees out. Brrrr! Looking at this picture makes me cold! It could be worse, right? Michiganders should atleast take comfort in the fact that it is a whole three degrees colder up in Anchorage today! Ha!

Why Aren't You Married?

The phrase "oh why must Christmas come but once a year" is more of a relief than having to do with any kind of longing for most single people because among the barage of imposing questions that family and friends shoot at them this question, "So why aren't you married?" or "Why are you still single?" tops the list. I have an Aunt who asked me this over the Thanksgiving holiday and though I am just twenty-six. In her eyes I am already an old maid. So with the holidays at hand, family gathering, mistletoe hanging everywhere, and being single, below are a few combacks of my own to help you out. I also checkout some other websites for ideas. I'm sure more times than not people foolishly ask this question as more of a conversation starter instead of a serious inquiry, but you might as well have a little fun with it!

"Why aren't you married?"

1) I choose to be single.
2) I'm still holding out for ...(insert married celebrity name here).
3) Why aren't you divorced?
4) And be like you?....(laugh and then walk away)
5) I'm not willing to give up on love yet.
6) Why have a spouse when I get enough nagging from my mother.
7) I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life.
8) No one I met seems to be that stupid.
9) I thought about it many times, but then I sober up.
10) I'm saving for a divorce first.
11) My many lovers would never understand.
12) I'm terrible at picking kids names.
13) Why aren't you thin?
14) Just lucky I guess

From an article on MSN today:
14) I look at marriage as an old fashion, patrician, indentured-slave pratise that imprisions people in a back breaking, emotionally bereft sinkhole.

Barbara Walters 10 Most Fasinating?Whaaaat?

I didn't bother watching Barbara Walter's annual "10 Most Facinating People" special this year because I felt like Babs phoned it in. She took the opportunity to put up 10 intriguing if not inspiring people and instead put up some of the most media-exhausted, starlight craving goofs. This isn't true of all ten but come on Barbara, dig a little deeper.

Here is her list-and of course my thoughts:

1) Dakota Fanning -I'm okay with this. Dakota has acted with all my favorite leading men and has held her own while most of the other female leads in Hollywood can't say the same. She may not be that exciting to watch with no downward spiral of drug or alcohol abuse going on, but she is only ten, give it a few years.

2)Jamie Foxx - I am luke warm about this guy. He did a good job portraying Ray Charles and probably deserved that Oscar but keep in mind he also made the movie Stealth in the same year. What's facinating is that people went to see him in "Ray" after seeing "Stealth".

3)Condoleeza Rice - 1st African American woman to be Secretary of State. A lot of people don't like her and she does work for "W" but I'll give Barbara this one.

4) Terri Hatcher - America's self declared "biggest has-been" is a Desperate Housewife. My friend Aaron made an observation a while back: her character supposively works at home as a children's book illustrator but never once on the show has she ever worked or even eluded to working...hmmm. I don't hold that against her...perhaps the writer's don't want to test her range as an actress acting since she isn't that great at it. She hot but yeah, kind of whiney. Does hotness make you facinating? Pam Andersen could have easily been here instead under this criteria.

5) Thomas Mesereau - This guy was Michael Jackson's defence attorney. He told Barbara that the "trial was a disgrace". Okay, but you got him off and then you turned around and got Robert Blake off. Way to play into the disgraceful system. Facinating? well lawyer jokes aside he's just doing his job. His hair on the other hand...

6)Lance Armstrong - The world is all about Lance. He's great. I love him. Lets interview him again because there has to be something we haven't heard out of this guy from all the other interviews he's been in...His story is facinating, hearing it for the 30th time isn't.

7)Beth Holloway-Twitty - Mother of missing girl who disappeared in Aruba last fall. Pulling on the heart-strings of viewers, Barbara picked her because she is still leading the investigation and the whole situation is a tragedy. America might ask what kind of parent lets their daughter go to a foriegn country on her own, but then again what kind of parent continues to search for their missing kid after six months missing when it seems the rest of the world has thrown in the towel.

8)Tom Cruise - Barbara must have a crush of this fist pumping, couch bouncing, toothy grinning star. He's not facinating. He was when he was the dreaming pilot on Top Gun or intense lawyer in A Few Goodmen but face it, Tom has shot himself in the foot by opening his mouth and consenting to interviews without first consulting anybody. Now, he needs some image work. I would like to put Katie Holmes on the spot and ask her how the conversion to Scientology is going. Katie has been pretty quiet and has sounded a little rehearsed compared to Tommy. I saw a guy selling a shirt the other day that said "Free Katie" and had a good laugh!

9)Kanye West - "George Bush hates black people" Comments like this just fly out of his mouth (he has the same problem Tommy does) and he picks a hurricane relief telethone to voice his oppinion, poor Mike Meyers. It's like a few years ago when he went to the media and made a big deal out of not getting any nods for Grammys. Pick your battles Kanye and more importantly, find more appropriate ways and times to express your views where people will take them seriously. This has nothing to do with your race and everything to do with you. Barbara doesnt' get that either.

10) Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall - last and least? I don't have anything against Cami, but why is she facinating? She hooked up with Charles, ooh! the drama! People tend to focus more on Di and Chuck's boys.

I won't end there. I'll offer a few suggestions just to help Barb out:

Stanley Tookie Williams - He is a convicted killer in California who founded the Crips gang in 1971. He since has become an antigang activist while in San Quentin State Prison and has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize five times. He also has been nominated for the Nobel Prize in literature for the childrens books he has written. Stanley was just denied his final appeal and his final chance for a pardon is for a governor's pardon as he waits to be exceuted by lethal injection on December 13th.

Paul Blank - He is the campaign director of "Wakeup Walmart" an organization that is urging America to cut off Walmart cold turkey and is spreading allegations that Walkmart is bad to it's employees, the environment, and communities. This is catching on nationally and they have a website (www.wakeupwalmart.com) check it out. Somebody should sit down with this guy and give him a chance to defend those nice Walmart greeters.

Steve Mariucci - This is the former Lion's coach, recently sent packing. After a heated debate over why the Lions are so bad and who deserves to be blaimed, it is apparent to me after some research that Matt Millien, president of the club since 2001 should be in the dog house as well. I'm not putting it all on Millien but since taking the reigns he is the one who recuited most of the players that played under Mariucci. In spite of the teams losing record since 2001, Millien also managed to get a five year extension before this season even started. Facinating!

Julia Roberts - She is the highest paid actress in the world. The fact that she can act is a plus too, you can't help but like her. Dakota and she should do a movie together. $20 Million a flick! This is after taking this year off and having twins. She is standing toe to toe with the likes of Mel Gibson and Bruce Willis. You go girl!

Maj. Monte Anderson - Project leader at ScorpWorks an internal division within the Air Force Research Lab Energy Directorat. He and his team made a weapon called a Phaser-Personal Haulting and Simulation Response. It is a new defense weapon that uses a laser system and through bright intensity affects vision and mobility. It looks like something out of Star Wars I saw a demo on MSN and am just getting my vision back. Haven't you always wanted to ask a question starting with 'Major Monte'...? Well now you do.

I'm Thankful

I thought it fitting to list some of the things I am thankful for this year and as I break break with loved ones tomorrow I will be considering them in the true spirit of Thanksgiving.

1) My Remote Control: While channel surfing last night I landed on ABC a few times. The first time was when Lindsey Lohan was "performing" a song..I don't say sing because they amped up the choir and the guitars around her so you could barely hear her. When I did though my ears started bleeding and I was overcome with nausia! Good Lord, who let a mike come within ten feet of that girl. Luckily my trusty remote in hand I went to FOX where I watched my current favorite show "House". During commercials however I bravely turned back to ABC in time to see Cyndi Lauper and Sarah MCLachlan performing "Time After Time". This inspired performance was a treat and redemed my faith that there are still musicians in the mainstream with talent.

2) 105.7 FM: All Christmas music all the time! This radio station in the Lansing area switches over to this programing the whole month of December. Love it!

3) Friends: I am talking about people who keep the door open and always have an extra seat at their table. The ones who gratiously let you rant on their blue couch about the very subjects I obsess over in this blog and give you a fresh perspective. They encourage you when you are against the impossible and offer a quick witted comeback when you are being impossible. They make you laugh till it hurts (Aaron) and share an unhealthy obsession for 80s music (Jessie). Those two kindred souls I have in mind prove to me that family is not just defined by relation.

4) Health: I pray for the two family members are battling canser and fight everyday in hopes of beating the odds. I also pray for those who aren't sick or struggling with disease. May they realize and be grateful for the abilities they have because our bodies are fragile and health can be fleeting.

5) Snow: I'm perhaps the only person in a twenty mile radius who loves the snow today. It makes everything appear clean and no one can resist pausing for a moment to watch it dance to the ground. I also get a kick out of watching this poor guy on his snowblower just outside my window compete with the road plows. Everytime he finishes the sidewalk, a street plow comes by and covers up his work. This is not a job for a prefectionist, but he is out there again working just as hard. He's probably just jazzed he gets to use his plow. For a small thing it certainly kicks up a lot of powder.

Well all for now. Perhaps if I get a minute this weekend I'll let you in on the massive chaos that is holiday gatherings in my family. For now I am bundling up and hitting the road. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

The Best Thanksgiving Quote Ever

"I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old fashion way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land."

The Kalamazoo Promise - Investing in the Future

The story broke late last night just before Kalamazoo's school board meeting . A group of anonymous donors is underwriting a program that pays the college tuition for highschool graduates of Kalamazoo Public Schools. To see the press release and details of this program, check out the school's website: www.kalamazoopublicschools.com.

This kind of measure is unprecedented in our nation but I believe is long over due. I would like to extend a thank you to these donors who are teaching us that a community should be more invested in its public education system and strive to ensure the success of it's young residents. For a district whose drop out rate is near 11 percent, taking away the financial barrier of pursuing higher education will definitely strengthen the schools. Other benifits will be prevelent in the housing market, jobs and industry. An investment in public education is an investment in the future.

Zen and the Art of Garbage Truck Driving

On my daily commute today, I was behind a garbage truck. It was rusty with a really bad brown paint job. This is nothing special, but what surprized me was in huge block letters about half way up the rig. It read, "Friends are like money. They are easy to get and hard to keep." Not only did I find it funny because it is not a quote I would associate with garbage but this garbage man behind the wheel proceed to cut off two cars as he was weaving around traffic. Very Bazaar!

Now I could be prejudging a very insightful person, I mean it's a good quote. Why would you choose that one for a garbage truck? What about something involving the environment or nature? Here is one I like: "In every walk with nature, one recieves far more than he seeks"-John Muir. If you prefer the less sophisticated for your trash collection try, "One man's trash is another man's treasure; thanks for contributing to my collection.", "I break for garbage...and for running down the recycling truck!", or "If you can read this you are about to be compacted."

Halloween Musings

What a day! The ghosts, the goblins, witches, droves of sugared up children raiding the streets, costumes to choose, fake spiders and silly string to be had...Halloween is a fun holiday. I thought I'd sit down for a minute and reminisce about how I celebrated over the years.

One thing that struck me is how some costumes and get ups that were really cool when I was little, have lost their appeal. Times have changed. I guess everyone notices this when they get older but I am a child of the 80s. I remember when it was cool to want to dress up as Madonna or Michael Jackson. Don't get me started on Michael! Madonna? she has reinvented herself so many times since her days of being the Material Girl, I think it would confuse people to show up as a Kaballah, red bracelet wearing Esther(her new Jewish name) or the Goth, Hindu body-art wearing Madonna we loved in the nineties.

Here are a couple other random observations about Halloween:

1) What the heck are you passing out this year to trick-or-treators? If you are planning on passing out apples, pennies, or anything healthy (I once got a mini tube of toothpaste!) DON'T DO IT! If it is for the principle of doing something responsible atleast throw in something covered in chocolate as well. It is so disappointing for a child to have to fake their appreciation for this stuff. They spend the evening out in the cold, baring the elements, and bravely knocking on strangers doors. They have a goal and that is obtaining a large about of candy. Beware as well. Kids talk to eachother out there on the street. Your house will be branded as the place that is okay to skip and later in the night you'll be a big target for tipee! This goes for those who pass out gift certificates to MacDonalds or any icecream shop. Nothing is worse than being pimped by corporate America. Best to go with straight up candy.

2) Costumes? For kids, be creative. Don't dress up like Brittany Spears or Ashley Simpson. Belly mid-driffs and caked on make-up is not cool and it can be very cold out on the candy trail. Shame on your parents for letting you dress like a whore and shame on you for not portraying someone with a shred of talent. For college-aged and up, don't dress up as Austin Powers. I'm sick of going to Halloween costume parties and seeing like ten versions of him. It's over-done and annoying. Need ideas? classic cartoon characters(Flintstones, super hero's, smurfs), vampire, old lady, school girl, etc....

If you are not creative, be a ghost. All you need is a bed sheet. The ability to levitate is a bonus. I was once at this party and a person showed up as a ghost. No one knew who it was all night. Around 2a.m. when we it anymore we pulled it off to reveal this guy who we all though was out of town and he was dressed as a killer. It was very Scoobie Doo.

3) The art of passing out candy...These kids want their candy and they want it now. They will say thank you and might even explain their costumes for a minute or two. Saying that you would like them to do a trick is confusing and can have bad repercussions, this goes back to being a target as explained earlier. My friend and I were asked to do a trick once and we took the treator by surprise by my friend doing a handstand on their porch. She proceeded to land on a bush, knocking over three plants and cracking a few pots. She got sick from being upsidedown and proceeded to throw up on a rose bush. She didn't mean to do that of course but jokes on this treator, it was his fault for saying "trick".

Well that is all I have for now. Hope you are all safe tonight and enjoy!

Observations at Random...Flu, Flo, Flun

I am almost back to 100%. I spent all last week dooking it out with the stomach flu; hence the reason no one has heard or seen me in a few days. I had a hectic week before, so it was no surprise I got sick. As I was curled up in my make-shift bed on the tile of my bathroom floor in front of the porcelain thrown I had a little time to think:

When you have the stomach flu.....

1) Trying to "sweat out" a fever does not work and anyone who swears by it is sadistic!...I had a 101 degree temp and decided to go for a run. My younger brother does this a lot and swears it works. I got about a quarter mile away and even though I swore there was nothing left in my stomach after two days of emptying it, guess what?...if you can't guess you are lucky, it wasn't a Kodak moment but a very colorful trail.

2) The question "How are you feeling?" is pointless question proceeded by telling someone they "don't sound well". Thank you Captain Obvious! When the person on the other end of the phone line sounds like a cross between Elmer Fudd and AC/DC, why ask if they are sick?

3) Even now, MacGyver still facinates me! Richard Dean Anderson is a genious and a legend of syndication! While sacked out on the couch in the middle of the night I found the beloved show I watched in the 80's when I still french roled my jeans and played with a rubix cube. I still have no idea what the Pheonix Foundation is nor it's purpose and why MacGyver, a doctor of Physics, seems to be the go-to-guy to save the world from terrorism, espionage, and illegal drug trafficing. All of this of course done with a cup of yogurt and a number two pencil.

4) I love kids. They are great. After a few family gatherings though I wonder why parents insist on bringing them to get-togethers when they are running temps, snotty nosed, and cry most of the time they are there. A relative of mine insisted that their child needed to be included regardless because it was important to them. Mean old people coined the name "carrier monkey" for this reason. Please people, keep your sick kids in bed and home. I know who got me sick and next time I come down with something I am paying you a visit!

5) An apple a day does not keep the doctor away. In factI use to down tons of carrots so I wouldn't have to get glasses one day. Guess what? That was a lie too.

6) The best way to get people at work to leave you alone so you can get some work done is to tell them your still a little ill. Nobody came near my desk the whole day on Friday and kept the noise down so it would disturb me. They peaked in from time to time to ask me if I wanted tea, but I just added a little sad cough to make them extra skiddish.

7) Even though cough drop includes a small amount of alcohole, it is impossible to get any kind of buzz off of them from eating a bunch...mixing medications-especially expired ones is another story.

8) If it says to take one, take two. If it says for night-time only, take it anyway (always better to be unconsious and sick if you have no where to be). You forget what you say is half of the phone calls you have as well so the next time you see them is always an adventure. I also was thankful to be a bit out of it when the second half of the MSU game came on. That was a hard one to take, even with heavy sedation!

So yeah, on the mend and all for now!

Tis' this Season not the next one!

Attention all people decorating for Christmas....It's October 1st! Shelf that stuff for another two months, you yule obsessed psychos. Same with all retail outlets and stores, why are you displaying your over-priced, cheesy ornaments and gaudy sweaters so early? Yeah, I know its a money thing. I hate this. Every year it gets worse. There is this movement out there to begin the Christmas season earlier and earlier every year. On my drive into Lansing this morning I passed a place that is notorious for over-decorating with lights and plastic santas and reindeer to boot. When I say over decorating, I'm equating that to Martha Stewart on speed times twenty. Way too much going on in that yard.

Have these people no repect for the season we are in. Fall is my favorite. The leaves change and then fall. You get the fun of dressing up for Halloween, bobbing for apples, jumping in leaf piles, and drinking apple cider. There's football tailgating on campus, color tours up north, picking apples, deer hunting season....I could go on and on. Now I don't understand how anyone in good conscience live in Michigan and not appreciate all that the fall has to offer.

Right now is the big build up to Thanksgiving...not Christmas. Now that I think about it isn't Thanksgiving a more virtuous holiday anyway? Christmas you over load on greed while the worst you can do on Thanksgiving is glutiny. To counter this arguement though Thanksgiving is a historical reference to the Europeans interaction with the Native Americans and the Eurpoeans annilation of a race with disease and trickery.....so yeah scratch that idea.

This enry is a plea to all fellow normal people. Boycott this early holiday stuff. Everything goes on sale after Thanksgiving anyway. As for the guy decorating today, we should get a group together and go steal his Rudolf off his sleigh display!!