Oh Night Divine

It was Christmas Eve and as been the yearly tradition, we opened up the doors to family and friends who traveled to spend time with loved ones. The candles were lit in the windows, carols were sung beside the piano and violin, favorite foods of the season were laid out and we ate, and the glow from the Christmas tree brought smiles to all faces. Yes it was a year for the books. There may be 'no place like home for the holidays' but every year I like to reflect and be thankful for all who mange to stop by for some Christmas cheer. That "Home" in the quote above is not a place but whoever you are blessed to spend the holiday. I hope you all had somewhere to be on Christmas. It's just not a holiday unless you can share it with people you love.

The beauty of Christmas, that unlike any other holiday, it is easier to get caught up in the Yule and the joy. Is it the memories from our youth that come to mind or is just magic of the season that causes even the serious, stoic sole to manage a smile and give into the merriment of the season? I like to think that the Christmas spirit is contagious. I heard a lot of people say "Merry Christmas" or "Happy New Year" to total strangers during the build up to the holidays and that made me happy though it is unfortunate that people find it hard to share such pleasantries all year long. Perhaps that should be our challenge or resolution for the coming year.

Death of the Rhetorical Question

It wasn't until telling this story to a group of friends the other night at dinner that I thought maybe you might find amusing. The important point I want to make clear is that I am not saying I hate rhetorical questions. When used properly they can further a speakers point and have a real impact. This entry is however talking about the missuse of them and how to go about preventing people from ever using them again.

Last week things around the office were hectic with trying to tie up loose ends before the end of the year hits, so by Friday, my patience was pretty low. The secretary who works in our office was complaining as usual. I like to refer to her as the 'rhetorical queen'. She takes the "poor me" bit to a higher level than anyone I know. After about the fifth time of hearing, "How does he (my boss) expect me to get this done?" I decided to throw her off guard and seriously answer the question by telling her how to exactly do her job. She sat there confused for a second probably wondering how she was going to get her stellar rant in now. The fact that I used the phrase 'outsourcing to the company's main office' might have had something to do with her sudden silence. Ironically enough, everything did get done before 5pm. Who'd of thought? Well besides me.

I got back to my office and had a laugh over it. I think from now on I am going to answer all rhetorical questions if the speaker has a tendency to over use them. I am really enjoying the odd reactions I get from people!

Got this joke on email a while ago!

Santa or Satan?

I was boning up on some of my Christmas trivia today and came across this website:

Santa Claus: the Great Imposter

www.av1611.org/othpubls/santa.html

Can religion and secular mythology be reconciled during the holiday season?

The author of this article describes in great detail how and why Santa is not the innocent childhood fantasy but an influence of Satan in disguise. He quotes the Bible, hymns and carols which support his argument. Check it out if you are curious. I'm not going to dwell on his theory. This is something intended to bring people to faith but as I read it all I could think about was Saturday Night Live when Dana Carvey use to do that Church Lady sketch. Much like Dana Carvey, I don't think that by teaching our children about Santa Claus is urging them to worship the devil.

I came across this extremist view before. I had a friend whose parents were very strict. She couldn't go trick-or-treating on Halloween, they never had an egg hunt on Easter, and Christmas was celebrated by going to church and then home where their sole decoration was a Nativity Set and no presents in sight. While it is not for me to judge what they found appropriate, there are beneficial results in urging your children to believe in fantasies. If you can succeed in opening your child's mind to something outside the realm of the literal, black, white fact you urge them to develop an imagination and sense of creativity. This spawns an ability to see things in a different way which is a trait already so rare in most people.

In the case of Santa, believing in him is not the problem. I think it is possible to teach kids about God and tell stories about Santa Claus. As long as it is done with some kind of tact, I don't think you will see kids putting Santa altars up and forgetting the baby Jesus. Parents are not idiots. If you want to draw lines I imagine all the "once upon a times..." Go out the window with the Tooth Fairy, Peter Cotton Tail...Etc....What kind of childhood would that be like? As adults this former belief in there being Father Christmas evolves, and what we love about Santa is that he becomes a physical representation to what we all feel inside ourselves this time of year, Christmas Spirit. This is goodwill, adoration for our fellow man, and for a lot of people this is thanksgiving for the birth of the Savior.

Though it is only a matter of moving an "n" from Santa to Satan, I am not convinced that they are the same guy.

An Albino Moose

This is not a conspiracy...there is a such thing as an albino moose. My sister sent me this picture from Anchorage, Alaska. I thought it would be appropriate to show you this today since with the wind chill it is around five degrees out. Brrrr! Looking at this picture makes me cold! It could be worse, right? Michiganders should atleast take comfort in the fact that it is a whole three degrees colder up in Anchorage today! Ha!

Why Aren't You Married?

The phrase "oh why must Christmas come but once a year" is more of a relief than having to do with any kind of longing for most single people because among the barage of imposing questions that family and friends shoot at them this question, "So why aren't you married?" or "Why are you still single?" tops the list. I have an Aunt who asked me this over the Thanksgiving holiday and though I am just twenty-six. In her eyes I am already an old maid. So with the holidays at hand, family gathering, mistletoe hanging everywhere, and being single, below are a few combacks of my own to help you out. I also checkout some other websites for ideas. I'm sure more times than not people foolishly ask this question as more of a conversation starter instead of a serious inquiry, but you might as well have a little fun with it!

"Why aren't you married?"

1) I choose to be single.
2) I'm still holding out for ...(insert married celebrity name here).
3) Why aren't you divorced?
4) And be like you?....(laugh and then walk away)
5) I'm not willing to give up on love yet.
6) Why have a spouse when I get enough nagging from my mother.
7) I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life.
8) No one I met seems to be that stupid.
9) I thought about it many times, but then I sober up.
10) I'm saving for a divorce first.
11) My many lovers would never understand.
12) I'm terrible at picking kids names.
13) Why aren't you thin?
14) Just lucky I guess

From an article on MSN today:
14) I look at marriage as an old fashion, patrician, indentured-slave pratise that imprisions people in a back breaking, emotionally bereft sinkhole.

Barbara Walters 10 Most Fasinating?Whaaaat?

I didn't bother watching Barbara Walter's annual "10 Most Facinating People" special this year because I felt like Babs phoned it in. She took the opportunity to put up 10 intriguing if not inspiring people and instead put up some of the most media-exhausted, starlight craving goofs. This isn't true of all ten but come on Barbara, dig a little deeper.

Here is her list-and of course my thoughts:

1) Dakota Fanning -I'm okay with this. Dakota has acted with all my favorite leading men and has held her own while most of the other female leads in Hollywood can't say the same. She may not be that exciting to watch with no downward spiral of drug or alcohol abuse going on, but she is only ten, give it a few years.

2)Jamie Foxx - I am luke warm about this guy. He did a good job portraying Ray Charles and probably deserved that Oscar but keep in mind he also made the movie Stealth in the same year. What's facinating is that people went to see him in "Ray" after seeing "Stealth".

3)Condoleeza Rice - 1st African American woman to be Secretary of State. A lot of people don't like her and she does work for "W" but I'll give Barbara this one.

4) Terri Hatcher - America's self declared "biggest has-been" is a Desperate Housewife. My friend Aaron made an observation a while back: her character supposively works at home as a children's book illustrator but never once on the show has she ever worked or even eluded to working...hmmm. I don't hold that against her...perhaps the writer's don't want to test her range as an actress acting since she isn't that great at it. She hot but yeah, kind of whiney. Does hotness make you facinating? Pam Andersen could have easily been here instead under this criteria.

5) Thomas Mesereau - This guy was Michael Jackson's defence attorney. He told Barbara that the "trial was a disgrace". Okay, but you got him off and then you turned around and got Robert Blake off. Way to play into the disgraceful system. Facinating? well lawyer jokes aside he's just doing his job. His hair on the other hand...

6)Lance Armstrong - The world is all about Lance. He's great. I love him. Lets interview him again because there has to be something we haven't heard out of this guy from all the other interviews he's been in...His story is facinating, hearing it for the 30th time isn't.

7)Beth Holloway-Twitty - Mother of missing girl who disappeared in Aruba last fall. Pulling on the heart-strings of viewers, Barbara picked her because she is still leading the investigation and the whole situation is a tragedy. America might ask what kind of parent lets their daughter go to a foriegn country on her own, but then again what kind of parent continues to search for their missing kid after six months missing when it seems the rest of the world has thrown in the towel.

8)Tom Cruise - Barbara must have a crush of this fist pumping, couch bouncing, toothy grinning star. He's not facinating. He was when he was the dreaming pilot on Top Gun or intense lawyer in A Few Goodmen but face it, Tom has shot himself in the foot by opening his mouth and consenting to interviews without first consulting anybody. Now, he needs some image work. I would like to put Katie Holmes on the spot and ask her how the conversion to Scientology is going. Katie has been pretty quiet and has sounded a little rehearsed compared to Tommy. I saw a guy selling a shirt the other day that said "Free Katie" and had a good laugh!

9)Kanye West - "George Bush hates black people" Comments like this just fly out of his mouth (he has the same problem Tommy does) and he picks a hurricane relief telethone to voice his oppinion, poor Mike Meyers. It's like a few years ago when he went to the media and made a big deal out of not getting any nods for Grammys. Pick your battles Kanye and more importantly, find more appropriate ways and times to express your views where people will take them seriously. This has nothing to do with your race and everything to do with you. Barbara doesnt' get that either.

10) Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall - last and least? I don't have anything against Cami, but why is she facinating? She hooked up with Charles, ooh! the drama! People tend to focus more on Di and Chuck's boys.

I won't end there. I'll offer a few suggestions just to help Barb out:

Stanley Tookie Williams - He is a convicted killer in California who founded the Crips gang in 1971. He since has become an antigang activist while in San Quentin State Prison and has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize five times. He also has been nominated for the Nobel Prize in literature for the childrens books he has written. Stanley was just denied his final appeal and his final chance for a pardon is for a governor's pardon as he waits to be exceuted by lethal injection on December 13th.

Paul Blank - He is the campaign director of "Wakeup Walmart" an organization that is urging America to cut off Walmart cold turkey and is spreading allegations that Walkmart is bad to it's employees, the environment, and communities. This is catching on nationally and they have a website (www.wakeupwalmart.com) check it out. Somebody should sit down with this guy and give him a chance to defend those nice Walmart greeters.

Steve Mariucci - This is the former Lion's coach, recently sent packing. After a heated debate over why the Lions are so bad and who deserves to be blaimed, it is apparent to me after some research that Matt Millien, president of the club since 2001 should be in the dog house as well. I'm not putting it all on Millien but since taking the reigns he is the one who recuited most of the players that played under Mariucci. In spite of the teams losing record since 2001, Millien also managed to get a five year extension before this season even started. Facinating!

Julia Roberts - She is the highest paid actress in the world. The fact that she can act is a plus too, you can't help but like her. Dakota and she should do a movie together. $20 Million a flick! This is after taking this year off and having twins. She is standing toe to toe with the likes of Mel Gibson and Bruce Willis. You go girl!

Maj. Monte Anderson - Project leader at ScorpWorks an internal division within the Air Force Research Lab Energy Directorat. He and his team made a weapon called a Phaser-Personal Haulting and Simulation Response. It is a new defense weapon that uses a laser system and through bright intensity affects vision and mobility. It looks like something out of Star Wars I saw a demo on MSN and am just getting my vision back. Haven't you always wanted to ask a question starting with 'Major Monte'...? Well now you do.

I'm Thankful

I thought it fitting to list some of the things I am thankful for this year and as I break break with loved ones tomorrow I will be considering them in the true spirit of Thanksgiving.

1) My Remote Control: While channel surfing last night I landed on ABC a few times. The first time was when Lindsey Lohan was "performing" a song..I don't say sing because they amped up the choir and the guitars around her so you could barely hear her. When I did though my ears started bleeding and I was overcome with nausia! Good Lord, who let a mike come within ten feet of that girl. Luckily my trusty remote in hand I went to FOX where I watched my current favorite show "House". During commercials however I bravely turned back to ABC in time to see Cyndi Lauper and Sarah MCLachlan performing "Time After Time". This inspired performance was a treat and redemed my faith that there are still musicians in the mainstream with talent.

2) 105.7 FM: All Christmas music all the time! This radio station in the Lansing area switches over to this programing the whole month of December. Love it!

3) Friends: I am talking about people who keep the door open and always have an extra seat at their table. The ones who gratiously let you rant on their blue couch about the very subjects I obsess over in this blog and give you a fresh perspective. They encourage you when you are against the impossible and offer a quick witted comeback when you are being impossible. They make you laugh till it hurts (Aaron) and share an unhealthy obsession for 80s music (Jessie). Those two kindred souls I have in mind prove to me that family is not just defined by relation.

4) Health: I pray for the two family members are battling canser and fight everyday in hopes of beating the odds. I also pray for those who aren't sick or struggling with disease. May they realize and be grateful for the abilities they have because our bodies are fragile and health can be fleeting.

5) Snow: I'm perhaps the only person in a twenty mile radius who loves the snow today. It makes everything appear clean and no one can resist pausing for a moment to watch it dance to the ground. I also get a kick out of watching this poor guy on his snowblower just outside my window compete with the road plows. Everytime he finishes the sidewalk, a street plow comes by and covers up his work. This is not a job for a prefectionist, but he is out there again working just as hard. He's probably just jazzed he gets to use his plow. For a small thing it certainly kicks up a lot of powder.

Well all for now. Perhaps if I get a minute this weekend I'll let you in on the massive chaos that is holiday gatherings in my family. For now I am bundling up and hitting the road. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

The Best Thanksgiving Quote Ever

"I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old fashion way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land."

The Kalamazoo Promise - Investing in the Future

The story broke late last night just before Kalamazoo's school board meeting . A group of anonymous donors is underwriting a program that pays the college tuition for highschool graduates of Kalamazoo Public Schools. To see the press release and details of this program, check out the school's website: www.kalamazoopublicschools.com.

This kind of measure is unprecedented in our nation but I believe is long over due. I would like to extend a thank you to these donors who are teaching us that a community should be more invested in its public education system and strive to ensure the success of it's young residents. For a district whose drop out rate is near 11 percent, taking away the financial barrier of pursuing higher education will definitely strengthen the schools. Other benifits will be prevelent in the housing market, jobs and industry. An investment in public education is an investment in the future.

Zen and the Art of Garbage Truck Driving

On my daily commute today, I was behind a garbage truck. It was rusty with a really bad brown paint job. This is nothing special, but what surprized me was in huge block letters about half way up the rig. It read, "Friends are like money. They are easy to get and hard to keep." Not only did I find it funny because it is not a quote I would associate with garbage but this garbage man behind the wheel proceed to cut off two cars as he was weaving around traffic. Very Bazaar!

Now I could be prejudging a very insightful person, I mean it's a good quote. Why would you choose that one for a garbage truck? What about something involving the environment or nature? Here is one I like: "In every walk with nature, one recieves far more than he seeks"-John Muir. If you prefer the less sophisticated for your trash collection try, "One man's trash is another man's treasure; thanks for contributing to my collection.", "I break for garbage...and for running down the recycling truck!", or "If you can read this you are about to be compacted."

Halloween Musings

What a day! The ghosts, the goblins, witches, droves of sugared up children raiding the streets, costumes to choose, fake spiders and silly string to be had...Halloween is a fun holiday. I thought I'd sit down for a minute and reminisce about how I celebrated over the years.

One thing that struck me is how some costumes and get ups that were really cool when I was little, have lost their appeal. Times have changed. I guess everyone notices this when they get older but I am a child of the 80s. I remember when it was cool to want to dress up as Madonna or Michael Jackson. Don't get me started on Michael! Madonna? she has reinvented herself so many times since her days of being the Material Girl, I think it would confuse people to show up as a Kaballah, red bracelet wearing Esther(her new Jewish name) or the Goth, Hindu body-art wearing Madonna we loved in the nineties.

Here are a couple other random observations about Halloween:

1) What the heck are you passing out this year to trick-or-treators? If you are planning on passing out apples, pennies, or anything healthy (I once got a mini tube of toothpaste!) DON'T DO IT! If it is for the principle of doing something responsible atleast throw in something covered in chocolate as well. It is so disappointing for a child to have to fake their appreciation for this stuff. They spend the evening out in the cold, baring the elements, and bravely knocking on strangers doors. They have a goal and that is obtaining a large about of candy. Beware as well. Kids talk to eachother out there on the street. Your house will be branded as the place that is okay to skip and later in the night you'll be a big target for tipee! This goes for those who pass out gift certificates to MacDonalds or any icecream shop. Nothing is worse than being pimped by corporate America. Best to go with straight up candy.

2) Costumes? For kids, be creative. Don't dress up like Brittany Spears or Ashley Simpson. Belly mid-driffs and caked on make-up is not cool and it can be very cold out on the candy trail. Shame on your parents for letting you dress like a whore and shame on you for not portraying someone with a shred of talent. For college-aged and up, don't dress up as Austin Powers. I'm sick of going to Halloween costume parties and seeing like ten versions of him. It's over-done and annoying. Need ideas? classic cartoon characters(Flintstones, super hero's, smurfs), vampire, old lady, school girl, etc....

If you are not creative, be a ghost. All you need is a bed sheet. The ability to levitate is a bonus. I was once at this party and a person showed up as a ghost. No one knew who it was all night. Around 2a.m. when we it anymore we pulled it off to reveal this guy who we all though was out of town and he was dressed as a killer. It was very Scoobie Doo.

3) The art of passing out candy...These kids want their candy and they want it now. They will say thank you and might even explain their costumes for a minute or two. Saying that you would like them to do a trick is confusing and can have bad repercussions, this goes back to being a target as explained earlier. My friend and I were asked to do a trick once and we took the treator by surprise by my friend doing a handstand on their porch. She proceeded to land on a bush, knocking over three plants and cracking a few pots. She got sick from being upsidedown and proceeded to throw up on a rose bush. She didn't mean to do that of course but jokes on this treator, it was his fault for saying "trick".

Well that is all I have for now. Hope you are all safe tonight and enjoy!

Observations at Random...Flu, Flo, Flun

I am almost back to 100%. I spent all last week dooking it out with the stomach flu; hence the reason no one has heard or seen me in a few days. I had a hectic week before, so it was no surprise I got sick. As I was curled up in my make-shift bed on the tile of my bathroom floor in front of the porcelain thrown I had a little time to think:

When you have the stomach flu.....

1) Trying to "sweat out" a fever does not work and anyone who swears by it is sadistic!...I had a 101 degree temp and decided to go for a run. My younger brother does this a lot and swears it works. I got about a quarter mile away and even though I swore there was nothing left in my stomach after two days of emptying it, guess what?...if you can't guess you are lucky, it wasn't a Kodak moment but a very colorful trail.

2) The question "How are you feeling?" is pointless question proceeded by telling someone they "don't sound well". Thank you Captain Obvious! When the person on the other end of the phone line sounds like a cross between Elmer Fudd and AC/DC, why ask if they are sick?

3) Even now, MacGyver still facinates me! Richard Dean Anderson is a genious and a legend of syndication! While sacked out on the couch in the middle of the night I found the beloved show I watched in the 80's when I still french roled my jeans and played with a rubix cube. I still have no idea what the Pheonix Foundation is nor it's purpose and why MacGyver, a doctor of Physics, seems to be the go-to-guy to save the world from terrorism, espionage, and illegal drug trafficing. All of this of course done with a cup of yogurt and a number two pencil.

4) I love kids. They are great. After a few family gatherings though I wonder why parents insist on bringing them to get-togethers when they are running temps, snotty nosed, and cry most of the time they are there. A relative of mine insisted that their child needed to be included regardless because it was important to them. Mean old people coined the name "carrier monkey" for this reason. Please people, keep your sick kids in bed and home. I know who got me sick and next time I come down with something I am paying you a visit!

5) An apple a day does not keep the doctor away. In factI use to down tons of carrots so I wouldn't have to get glasses one day. Guess what? That was a lie too.

6) The best way to get people at work to leave you alone so you can get some work done is to tell them your still a little ill. Nobody came near my desk the whole day on Friday and kept the noise down so it would disturb me. They peaked in from time to time to ask me if I wanted tea, but I just added a little sad cough to make them extra skiddish.

7) Even though cough drop includes a small amount of alcohole, it is impossible to get any kind of buzz off of them from eating a bunch...mixing medications-especially expired ones is another story.

8) If it says to take one, take two. If it says for night-time only, take it anyway (always better to be unconsious and sick if you have no where to be). You forget what you say is half of the phone calls you have as well so the next time you see them is always an adventure. I also was thankful to be a bit out of it when the second half of the MSU game came on. That was a hard one to take, even with heavy sedation!

So yeah, on the mend and all for now!

Tis' this Season not the next one!

Attention all people decorating for Christmas....It's October 1st! Shelf that stuff for another two months, you yule obsessed psychos. Same with all retail outlets and stores, why are you displaying your over-priced, cheesy ornaments and gaudy sweaters so early? Yeah, I know its a money thing. I hate this. Every year it gets worse. There is this movement out there to begin the Christmas season earlier and earlier every year. On my drive into Lansing this morning I passed a place that is notorious for over-decorating with lights and plastic santas and reindeer to boot. When I say over decorating, I'm equating that to Martha Stewart on speed times twenty. Way too much going on in that yard.

Have these people no repect for the season we are in. Fall is my favorite. The leaves change and then fall. You get the fun of dressing up for Halloween, bobbing for apples, jumping in leaf piles, and drinking apple cider. There's football tailgating on campus, color tours up north, picking apples, deer hunting season....I could go on and on. Now I don't understand how anyone in good conscience live in Michigan and not appreciate all that the fall has to offer.

Right now is the big build up to Thanksgiving...not Christmas. Now that I think about it isn't Thanksgiving a more virtuous holiday anyway? Christmas you over load on greed while the worst you can do on Thanksgiving is glutiny. To counter this arguement though Thanksgiving is a historical reference to the Europeans interaction with the Native Americans and the Eurpoeans annilation of a race with disease and trickery.....so yeah scratch that idea.

This enry is a plea to all fellow normal people. Boycott this early holiday stuff. Everything goes on sale after Thanksgiving anyway. As for the guy decorating today, we should get a group together and go steal his Rudolf off his sleigh display!!

It's Rita Time! Ole'!

I miss the days of threatening hurricane names. Katrina, Ophelia, and last year’s Frances? Maybe they are running out of creative names but lately it seems the weather service is doing the exact opposite instead of picking names that sound like the equivalent of the devastating force these storms have. Remember Hugo, Agnes or even Fran from 1996. Fran could be the mean lunch lady at your day school…. “You want fries with that?” “Too bad you didn’t say please! Next!"... I can picture Hugo as the guy that use to steal my lunch money after beating me over the head with my own backpack. That name just sounds like big, dumb, trouble.

Naming a hurricane something that instills a little fear upon hearing it causes people to atleast subconsciously take it more seriously. Ivan is that geeky guy in highschool who spend most of his time in the chemistry lab for fun while a name like Brutus or Jake reminds you of that scary neighborhood dog you pray is tied up when you get off the bus after school.

So my suggestion’s for new hurricane names? How about Bin Laden or Adolph? Right there I know it is going to be scary and I should get the heck out of it’s path because nothing good can come of it. Too harsh? Try Martha or Donald…these two are over exposed and each have their own TV. shows. They’re just plain annoying. Why would you want to be around for anything relating to them? Move over Hurricane Opal, Bertha should be stepping in.

Now we are facing Rita. I new a girl named Rita in undergrad. She lived in my dorm and was a party girl. While she did drink too much and got pretty obnoxious, a gentle wind could knock this girl over. She was tiny. I guess on the other hand if you consider the origins of the name you could go with the stereotype. What is threatening about a mariachi bank? I guess the water and food can get scary in Mexico so in that sense maybe.

**Sorry if this entry offends anyone named Rita, Frances or Ivan, but in all honesty you got to know what I’m talking about for having had to put up with your own name all your life.

The Patriotic Thing To Do

As New Orleans sits underwater, oil platforms in the Gulf being found hours away from where they were originally anchored, and disgruntled customers at gas stations around the country are swearing under their breath, it is evident that we are going to have a tough time recovering for a while after Katrina reaked havoc over the south. This morning, I was listening to the radio that Michigan is offically in an energy crisis and that the governor declares that the patriotic thing to do this holiday weekend is to stay home and conserve fuel. I get what Granholm is saying but the last thing I will be thinking about is my devotion to my country if I stay in Lansing.

Half of the people in my complex alone don't speak English and I would bet they aren't citizens. I could turn on a movie but most of the good ones are comprised of those Aussie actors that are so big right now and those movies are filmed abroad anyway. I could meet up with a buddy at the local pub, but he's a beer snob and won't drink domestic while his wafe of a girlfrind ops for a brand of Russian vodka to mix in her O.J. I'll get back to my place and crash on my bed in sheets that were probably stitched up by some sweat shop kid in Guatemala and because I am so dehydrated from the earlier drinking I'll have to get up stumble over my pile of shoes, all of which were made in Asia, and dig through my cabinet for asprin which though bottled here in the U.S. the actual bottle was made elsewhere. To wash that down I will drink out of my water bottle that was bottled in Sweden of course.

With all due respect Governor Laura, people aren't staying home to be patriotic. They are staying home because they can't afford to run their SUVs and power boats. If they were going to do the partriotic thing they would buy American, eat a hot dog, play some baseball, hang up a flag, and down a Big Mac at MacDonalds. Sitting around on a holiday weekend has more to do with economics than patriotism. Unless being a couch potato is the most American thing you can do....yeah I didn't think so.

Here is your lesson. Through history, economics is a far bigger motivator than patriotism.

Very Funny? Are you kidding me?

Well unless you have gotten sick of the angsty teens on Dawson's Creek or are upset that they don't play the Braves games anymore so you blocked TBS from your channel line up, you have seen the TBS "Very Funny" ad campaign. The "Superstation" network that brings us classic '80s movies like "Goonies" changed direction recently by getting a new look. Though this probably boosted the ratings, is anyone else annoyed with the new campaign? Situations where a boss falls into machinery or people roast marshmallows over a flaming person's head is annoying not funny. I've tried to wrap my head around why a network would rerun these ads at every commercial break but what shred of comedy these ads had are lost because they are completely worn out. Is TBS unable to sell that ad space?
Here is the real issue though, there is nothing funny about a network suggesting that it's viewers aren't capable of defining what is funny! A comedy help line? Are you kidding me? Calling a 1-800 number to verify the hilarity of a situation and needing an "official decision" undermines an individual intelligence because what one finds amusing is suppose to be unique. This is why there are so many brands of comedy and that is a reason we are NOT all the same. Defining funny is like explaining a painting. Both are forms of art and are in fact abstract. This means that the meaning you draw from it is going to be a result of an individual's thought process not a hotline. You hear or see something and you should figure out how it impacts you not how is should impact you. I once heard that talking about jazz is like dancing about architecture. Same idea with comedy. Don't let these hacks decide what is funny for you.
I am having a hard time restraining myself from throwing large heavy objects at the T.V. Watching these desperate callers or any of those ad spots with the girls from "Sex and the City" standing beside the TBS logo and forcing a laugh saying "Very Funny", is killing me. You don't see Sarah Jessica Parker with them. I would bet she didn't because she thinks its a retarded campaign too.

Though, that's just my opinion!

A Roman Holiday

I had my wisdom teeth out over the weekend, so instead of dwelling on serious world issues or social problems, the vicadin I was on resulted in me being extremely sleepy and in a coma like state. When I was lucid I did manager to catch a few movies so I thought I would review one of them.

I saw the movie "Roman Holiday" staring Gregory Peck and Audrey Hepburn. This was not my first time watching it but it had been quite a few years. I visited Rome and even though this movie was shot back in 1953 and is in black and white, it is evident why Rome is called the "eternal city". Not much has changed and it is still an amazing part of the world. One scene takes place on the Spanish Steps and I started laughing to myself because I can remember running up them with my friends while clenching to my cone of gelato trying not to lose it.

As for the movie now, well it is no doubt a classic. I forgot how funny it could be and loved the amusing chemistry between Gregory Peck and Audrey Hepburn. Peck has always been a favorite. He floats so naturally from scene to scene and is a treat to watch. His performance in "To Kill A Mocking Bird" is arguably his best ever performance and you should definitely check it out. Hepburn's naive princess is good opposite Peck's solid practicallity. As these two draw the plot along you forget about the likelyhood of the events actually happening. The ending is also moving and honest.

Rent it, you'll love it...this is not the drugs talking!

A Rock 'N Roll Doubleheader

Last night I attended the Rock 'N Roll Doubleheader at Olds Stadium in Lansing, Michigan and am pleased to report that nostalgic pop-rock is relevant 25 years later. As Joe Elliot yelled into the microphone at the end of the concert, "Don't forget us, because we haven't forgotten about you!", it was evident that there was no love lost over the years for hair metal and sweeping rock ballads. Both Def Leppard and Bryan Adams made their debuts in 1980 and have shown that they can still turn in very energetic performances.

Besides the great music, it was a great opportunity for people watching as my friends and I weaved our way closer to the stage. Trends which I long thought extinct were present including cheesy dragon tattoos, acid washed jeans, and stringy, over hairsprayed hair. One of the funniest parts of the evening was when I looked over to see this guy with a pierced ear, long pontytail, and sleeveless black shirt inching closer and trying to make a move on my friend Jessie during the romantic Bryan Adam's tune "Heaven". No doubt he was going to impress her with his vast expiriences of being a roadie for the band. Much to his dismay though, while Jessie is a beautiful girl and does share an affection for 80s music and Keith Scott's killer guitar playing, her interests extend beyond 1989.

It was a pleasant summer evening as Bryan Adam took the stage. My hands were in the air as I sway with the masses to his most famous song "(Everything I Do) I Do it for You" and he led us in belting out the na-na's in "Cuts Like a Knife". As he played his all too familiar rock anthem "Summer of 69" amid the droves of fans singing and chanting the lyrics, you couldn't help but wonder where you put your Bryan Adams CD in 1995 and anticipate digging it out when you got home for another listen!

Def Leppard's set was complets with a colorful light show, heavy riffs and soaring harmonies. It was everything you could wish for from a 80s hair metal band. Phil Collen and Vin Campbell had their work cut out for them especially with the number of wanna-be's in the audience doing air guitar and outragious moves. During my favorite "Love Bites", one guy close to us got so into it that I almost fell over laughing. It was less than awesome and bordering on hysterically ridiculous. Def Leppard capped off the evening on a high with "Pour Some Sugar on Me", which I'm not saying just because there was plenty of second hand smoke there to be inhaled. It was awesome!

My voice is now gone but in my head I still sing:

I don't want to touch you too much baby

cause making love to you might drive me crazy

I know you think that love is the way you make it

But I don't want to be there when you decide to break it

No

Love Bites love bleeds

its bringin me to my knees

love lives love dies

its no suprise

love begs love pleads

its what I need

Where's that Line-Item Veto, George?

President Bush just signed a $286 billion dollar transportation highway bill into law today. This bill has survived two years of negotiation between the White House and Congress has finally reached the President’s desk. While the road systems in the United States are vital to safety and the economy as Bush pointed out in his speech when signing the bill, there is a growing debate at whether some of the special projects listed are excessive especially when money is needed elsewhere in the nation's budget.

The bill contains more than 6,371 special projects valued at more than $24 billion. On MSN there was a remark by Keith Ashdown the vice president of policy for Taxpayers for Common Sense who called the measure a "bloated, expensive bill" that the Bush should veto. He also added that "this bill will be known as the most earmarked transportation bill in the history of our nation." John McCain who opposed the bill referred to the special projects as “egregious”.

Things are becoming more heated I noticed in the media as details of this bill are coming out. I got curious, so I checked it out for myself and below are some of the highlights that I found. After reading through some of these I wonder what deals were made in Washington that prevented George Bush from doing away with some of these items. Check it out for yourself.

*The third-least populated state, Alaska, gets $941 million, including a $250 million bridge in Anchorage to be named Don Young's Way. Don Young is a Republican on the House Transportation Committee who helped achieve Alaska getting the fourth greatest share of money in the bill. As Mr. Ashdown was quoted I find I agree that the distribution of the money for these projects "is based far more on political clout than on transportation need.”

*$23 billion landscaping along the Ronald Reagan Freeway in California

*$200,000 for a deer avoidance system in Weedsport, N.Y.

*$330 million for a highway in Bakersfield., Calif.

*$100,000 for a traffic light in Canoga Park, Calif.

*$1.6 million for a waterfront walkway honoring Frank Sinatra in his hometown of Hoboken, New Jersey

*$2 million to replace an elevated highway in Manhattan, New York with a tunnel so Donald Trump can put up a new building

*A provision granting tax credits for liquor wholesalers

* Congress also tossed in $3 million to pay for a documentary film about Alaska. The subject is how Alaska is spending money on its highways

*$250 million for a bridge to connect the town of Ketchican (pop.14,000) to Gravina Island (pop. 50)

Hello

I have started this blog as an open forum to draw conclusions and perhaps challenge others. I don't claim to be an authority on any issues but rather an open minded student of life hoping that through this expirience ideas can get kicked around and we learn to see things with more objectivity be it through serious analysis or humorous banter. Life is too short for smoke and mirrors.

While it is my goal to get people thinking about what is going on and how our actions influence the world, these entries are in fact just one person's perspective

What is yours? Topics will follow.

Just Jane