It's Rita Time! Ole'!

I miss the days of threatening hurricane names. Katrina, Ophelia, and last year’s Frances? Maybe they are running out of creative names but lately it seems the weather service is doing the exact opposite instead of picking names that sound like the equivalent of the devastating force these storms have. Remember Hugo, Agnes or even Fran from 1996. Fran could be the mean lunch lady at your day school…. “You want fries with that?” “Too bad you didn’t say please! Next!"... I can picture Hugo as the guy that use to steal my lunch money after beating me over the head with my own backpack. That name just sounds like big, dumb, trouble.

Naming a hurricane something that instills a little fear upon hearing it causes people to atleast subconsciously take it more seriously. Ivan is that geeky guy in highschool who spend most of his time in the chemistry lab for fun while a name like Brutus or Jake reminds you of that scary neighborhood dog you pray is tied up when you get off the bus after school.

So my suggestion’s for new hurricane names? How about Bin Laden or Adolph? Right there I know it is going to be scary and I should get the heck out of it’s path because nothing good can come of it. Too harsh? Try Martha or Donald…these two are over exposed and each have their own TV. shows. They’re just plain annoying. Why would you want to be around for anything relating to them? Move over Hurricane Opal, Bertha should be stepping in.

Now we are facing Rita. I new a girl named Rita in undergrad. She lived in my dorm and was a party girl. While she did drink too much and got pretty obnoxious, a gentle wind could knock this girl over. She was tiny. I guess on the other hand if you consider the origins of the name you could go with the stereotype. What is threatening about a mariachi bank? I guess the water and food can get scary in Mexico so in that sense maybe.

**Sorry if this entry offends anyone named Rita, Frances or Ivan, but in all honesty you got to know what I’m talking about for having had to put up with your own name all your life.

The Patriotic Thing To Do

As New Orleans sits underwater, oil platforms in the Gulf being found hours away from where they were originally anchored, and disgruntled customers at gas stations around the country are swearing under their breath, it is evident that we are going to have a tough time recovering for a while after Katrina reaked havoc over the south. This morning, I was listening to the radio that Michigan is offically in an energy crisis and that the governor declares that the patriotic thing to do this holiday weekend is to stay home and conserve fuel. I get what Granholm is saying but the last thing I will be thinking about is my devotion to my country if I stay in Lansing.

Half of the people in my complex alone don't speak English and I would bet they aren't citizens. I could turn on a movie but most of the good ones are comprised of those Aussie actors that are so big right now and those movies are filmed abroad anyway. I could meet up with a buddy at the local pub, but he's a beer snob and won't drink domestic while his wafe of a girlfrind ops for a brand of Russian vodka to mix in her O.J. I'll get back to my place and crash on my bed in sheets that were probably stitched up by some sweat shop kid in Guatemala and because I am so dehydrated from the earlier drinking I'll have to get up stumble over my pile of shoes, all of which were made in Asia, and dig through my cabinet for asprin which though bottled here in the U.S. the actual bottle was made elsewhere. To wash that down I will drink out of my water bottle that was bottled in Sweden of course.

With all due respect Governor Laura, people aren't staying home to be patriotic. They are staying home because they can't afford to run their SUVs and power boats. If they were going to do the partriotic thing they would buy American, eat a hot dog, play some baseball, hang up a flag, and down a Big Mac at MacDonalds. Sitting around on a holiday weekend has more to do with economics than patriotism. Unless being a couch potato is the most American thing you can do....yeah I didn't think so.

Here is your lesson. Through history, economics is a far bigger motivator than patriotism.