Grandpa

Lawrence Virgil Varner, my grandfather, died yesterday unexpectedly at the age of seventy-nine. Born in 1926 he has lived to see many changes in our nation including a world war, the rise and fall of Communism, the Great Depression, as well as the technological evolution. He loved farming. My mother often said that he was the most happy when he was out on his land with a tractor and wind in his hair. He was a big man and would tower over me and had such a long stride that I literally had to run in order to keep up with him on walks or when doing chores around the farm. My little legs would always be so relieved to rest when he would stop to feed and pet the dogs.

Once at a family wedding reception Grandpa was whisking my Grandma around the floor to a lively polka, a dance lost on my generation. At the end of the song he noticed me watching from the edge of my chair and came over and asked me if I wanted to try. Being fairly young I was unsure and I asked him if it was hard. He told me no because I'd have a good partner. When I asked him why he thought he was so good, he told me that dancing is how he got Grandma to love him. We started slow and then kicked us off into a break neck pace. As he sang along with the band I remember holding on tight and trying my best to keep up whlie guided by his strong frame.

My Grandfather had strong faith. When we would join them at their church, I liked to sit next to him. I can still hear him belt out the lyrics to "How Great Thou Art" with such conviction that the phrase "then sings my soul" really applies to him in that moment. For him the hymns were an extension of his belief in God. He also enjoyed music. He couldn't play an instrument but would be the first to jump up and hand out song books at my Aunt Joan and Uncle Greg's Christmas Party every year.

He had a quiet dignity about him. At family get-togethers it wasn't unusal to find him in a corner with his camera taking shots or perched up on his chair looking around the crowded room thoughtfully. He loved being around his family and friends. Up until his death he was doing the things he loved and enjoyed his life.

I am missing you Grandpa but am comforted that you are probably up in heaven right now striking up the band.

A Religious Enigma

How many Lutherans does it take to change a light bulb?...

What do you mean change!

Every religion has their own joke but in my church this is a reality. My church is failing. The average age there is well beyond 65 and there approximately 40 people who still attend regularly in a sactuary that fits well over 500. I joined a few years ago in hopes to help it improve but now I am torn between my stubborness to stay with my original goal and help make this place into what it could be or to leave and find a place where it won't be so hard to belong and find spiritual fufillment. My pastor called me in for a meeting a few weeks ago and was pleading with me to stick it out. I couldn't tell him I would. My problem is that I've been sticking it out for three years and all of my attempts to bring people in have failed. I'm tired of being a cheerleader and frusterated with the guilt that I could have done more.

This brings me to a question, are churches a thing of the past? Many churches are having simliar issues. They don't serve the purpose they once did (i.e. being the social center of an area for news and whatnot). Most of the ones built today resemble stadiums and event centers. I cannot disagree with the mentality that churches are a place to go on Sunday to put your time in, if there is some entertainment, all the better. There is a shortage out there of charismatic pastors and church leaders - people you want to hear talk, there is the unwillingness of people to change with the times, and there are plenty of judgement by most regardless of what you do. For me, I have had more "spiritual expiriences" outside of the church walls than inside. Is this just my age talking here or do other people agree?

New Poem

A few people have asked if I have written anything lately, and so here is something I've been tinkering with. I don't like to interpret things for others, it takes the fun away from the reader, but for those of you who see this as dark, you can blaim it on the cloudy Michigan weather. I also have a few people in my life that are terminally ill so emotions that involve goodbyes and death come to mind a lot quicker for me lately than anything else when I sit down and write.

Putting to Sea


Away I’ll sail from this shore
And leave my peaceful home
For this life of mine has been lived
And I crave the wavy unknown

I’ll miss those who watch along the docks
They blow kisses and cry for me
Understand not why I climbed aboard
On a boat putting out to sea

The wind fills the sail and the boat is carried off
Far from the shore with haste
I contently smile back to those I love
Before parting in time and space.

I will meet my fate upon these waters
Or perish on foreign shore
I obediently follow the first mate’s lead
My destiny is mine no more

At the edge of earth and heaven I’ll stand
On steady sea-worthy feet
When I finally reach that bold horizon
And there my Captain I’ll meet.

Back in Training

Just six more weeks until I head southward to the Aruba surf. Here are some pics from last year's windsurfing trip. I am missing the sun. Michigan winters are rough!

After feeling a little sore from bowling on Saturday night I decided I got to quit slacking and get moving or else I am going to be in pretty rough shape for this year's excursion. It is a long trip to just beat yourself up on the first day. We do a lot of the other stuff down there but windsurfing takes the most out of your body and you atleast have to have some kind of muscle to keep up.

So for hopeful encouragement to fellow trainees here is a little inspiration:

1. "The first wealth is health" - Ralph Waldo Emerson
2. "Pain is weakness leaving the body."
3. "Every human being is the author of his own health or disease." - Buddha
4. "There are always people who are fatter and skinner than you. The question to ask yourself is what side of that scale do you want to be on."
5. "Training gives us an outlet for surpressed energies created by stress and thus tones the spirit just as exersice conditions the body." - Arnold Schwarzenegger

And now for the couch potatos:

1. "Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now."
2. "On the tredmill of life there are the walkers and there are the joggers...and then there is the guye that owns the tredmill that the walkers and joggers pay."
3. "No pain, no pain."
4. "This is not fat on my bones it's potential (stored) energy."
5. "A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step or you can just hop on a plane and be there in a couple hours."

The Funniest Thing

Go to this website. Trust me. I was at a party last night and a friend pulled me and my buddy Aaron into the back room to show us this. We were on the floor crying because we were laughing so hard. My stomach muscles still hurt!

4q.cc

"Should all acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind"

What way better to begin the year than to sing this confusing if not contradicting lyric? Should we remember or forget them? Perhaps this is a case by case basis. It is kind of phrased like a question so maybe we should remember what is worth remembering and don't waste time on those you care to forget.

Also, we sing this every year but everyone gives me a puzzled look when I ask them what the phrase "Auld Lang Syne" means. I looked it up and found it is a very old Scottish song from the 1700s that loosely translated mean "for times gone by".

Below are the complete lyrics by Robert Burns 1700 translation from a much older poem in an older Scott dialect with translation:

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,

And never brought to mind?

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,

And days of auld lang syne?

(Should old acquaintances be forgotten)

(and never remembered)

(Should old acquaintance be forgotten)

(For old long ago)

Chorus:

For auld lang syne, my dear For auld Lang syne,

We'll tak a cup o kindness yet,For auld lang syne!

(For old long ago, my dear)( For old long ago)

(We will take a cup of kindness yet)(For old long ago)

And there's a hand my trusty fiere,

And gie's a hand o thine

And we'll tak a right guid-willie waught,

For auld lang sine

(And there is a hand my trust friend)

(And give me a hand of yours)

(And we will take of a good drink/toast)

(For old long ago)

We twa hae run aboot the braes

And pu'd the gowans fine.

We've wandered mony a weary foot,

Sin' auld lang syne.

(we two have run about the hills)

(and pulled the daisies fine)

(but we've wandered many a weary foot)

(since old long ago)

We twa hae paidl'd in the burn

Frae morning sun till dine

But seas between us braid hae roar'd

Sin auld lang syne

(we two have paddled in the stream)

(from morning sun (noon) until dinner-time)

( but seas between us broad have roared)

(since old long ago)

Oh Night Divine

It was Christmas Eve and as been the yearly tradition, we opened up the doors to family and friends who traveled to spend time with loved ones. The candles were lit in the windows, carols were sung beside the piano and violin, favorite foods of the season were laid out and we ate, and the glow from the Christmas tree brought smiles to all faces. Yes it was a year for the books. There may be 'no place like home for the holidays' but every year I like to reflect and be thankful for all who mange to stop by for some Christmas cheer. That "Home" in the quote above is not a place but whoever you are blessed to spend the holiday. I hope you all had somewhere to be on Christmas. It's just not a holiday unless you can share it with people you love.

The beauty of Christmas, that unlike any other holiday, it is easier to get caught up in the Yule and the joy. Is it the memories from our youth that come to mind or is just magic of the season that causes even the serious, stoic sole to manage a smile and give into the merriment of the season? I like to think that the Christmas spirit is contagious. I heard a lot of people say "Merry Christmas" or "Happy New Year" to total strangers during the build up to the holidays and that made me happy though it is unfortunate that people find it hard to share such pleasantries all year long. Perhaps that should be our challenge or resolution for the coming year.

Death of the Rhetorical Question

It wasn't until telling this story to a group of friends the other night at dinner that I thought maybe you might find amusing. The important point I want to make clear is that I am not saying I hate rhetorical questions. When used properly they can further a speakers point and have a real impact. This entry is however talking about the missuse of them and how to go about preventing people from ever using them again.

Last week things around the office were hectic with trying to tie up loose ends before the end of the year hits, so by Friday, my patience was pretty low. The secretary who works in our office was complaining as usual. I like to refer to her as the 'rhetorical queen'. She takes the "poor me" bit to a higher level than anyone I know. After about the fifth time of hearing, "How does he (my boss) expect me to get this done?" I decided to throw her off guard and seriously answer the question by telling her how to exactly do her job. She sat there confused for a second probably wondering how she was going to get her stellar rant in now. The fact that I used the phrase 'outsourcing to the company's main office' might have had something to do with her sudden silence. Ironically enough, everything did get done before 5pm. Who'd of thought? Well besides me.

I got back to my office and had a laugh over it. I think from now on I am going to answer all rhetorical questions if the speaker has a tendency to over use them. I am really enjoying the odd reactions I get from people!

Got this joke on email a while ago!

Santa or Satan?

I was boning up on some of my Christmas trivia today and came across this website:

Santa Claus: the Great Imposter

www.av1611.org/othpubls/santa.html

Can religion and secular mythology be reconciled during the holiday season?

The author of this article describes in great detail how and why Santa is not the innocent childhood fantasy but an influence of Satan in disguise. He quotes the Bible, hymns and carols which support his argument. Check it out if you are curious. I'm not going to dwell on his theory. This is something intended to bring people to faith but as I read it all I could think about was Saturday Night Live when Dana Carvey use to do that Church Lady sketch. Much like Dana Carvey, I don't think that by teaching our children about Santa Claus is urging them to worship the devil.

I came across this extremist view before. I had a friend whose parents were very strict. She couldn't go trick-or-treating on Halloween, they never had an egg hunt on Easter, and Christmas was celebrated by going to church and then home where their sole decoration was a Nativity Set and no presents in sight. While it is not for me to judge what they found appropriate, there are beneficial results in urging your children to believe in fantasies. If you can succeed in opening your child's mind to something outside the realm of the literal, black, white fact you urge them to develop an imagination and sense of creativity. This spawns an ability to see things in a different way which is a trait already so rare in most people.

In the case of Santa, believing in him is not the problem. I think it is possible to teach kids about God and tell stories about Santa Claus. As long as it is done with some kind of tact, I don't think you will see kids putting Santa altars up and forgetting the baby Jesus. Parents are not idiots. If you want to draw lines I imagine all the "once upon a times..." Go out the window with the Tooth Fairy, Peter Cotton Tail...Etc....What kind of childhood would that be like? As adults this former belief in there being Father Christmas evolves, and what we love about Santa is that he becomes a physical representation to what we all feel inside ourselves this time of year, Christmas Spirit. This is goodwill, adoration for our fellow man, and for a lot of people this is thanksgiving for the birth of the Savior.

Though it is only a matter of moving an "n" from Santa to Satan, I am not convinced that they are the same guy.

An Albino Moose

This is not a conspiracy...there is a such thing as an albino moose. My sister sent me this picture from Anchorage, Alaska. I thought it would be appropriate to show you this today since with the wind chill it is around five degrees out. Brrrr! Looking at this picture makes me cold! It could be worse, right? Michiganders should atleast take comfort in the fact that it is a whole three degrees colder up in Anchorage today! Ha!

Why Aren't You Married?

The phrase "oh why must Christmas come but once a year" is more of a relief than having to do with any kind of longing for most single people because among the barage of imposing questions that family and friends shoot at them this question, "So why aren't you married?" or "Why are you still single?" tops the list. I have an Aunt who asked me this over the Thanksgiving holiday and though I am just twenty-six. In her eyes I am already an old maid. So with the holidays at hand, family gathering, mistletoe hanging everywhere, and being single, below are a few combacks of my own to help you out. I also checkout some other websites for ideas. I'm sure more times than not people foolishly ask this question as more of a conversation starter instead of a serious inquiry, but you might as well have a little fun with it!

"Why aren't you married?"

1) I choose to be single.
2) I'm still holding out for ...(insert married celebrity name here).
3) Why aren't you divorced?
4) And be like you?....(laugh and then walk away)
5) I'm not willing to give up on love yet.
6) Why have a spouse when I get enough nagging from my mother.
7) I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life.
8) No one I met seems to be that stupid.
9) I thought about it many times, but then I sober up.
10) I'm saving for a divorce first.
11) My many lovers would never understand.
12) I'm terrible at picking kids names.
13) Why aren't you thin?
14) Just lucky I guess

From an article on MSN today:
14) I look at marriage as an old fashion, patrician, indentured-slave pratise that imprisions people in a back breaking, emotionally bereft sinkhole.

Barbara Walters 10 Most Fasinating?Whaaaat?

I didn't bother watching Barbara Walter's annual "10 Most Facinating People" special this year because I felt like Babs phoned it in. She took the opportunity to put up 10 intriguing if not inspiring people and instead put up some of the most media-exhausted, starlight craving goofs. This isn't true of all ten but come on Barbara, dig a little deeper.

Here is her list-and of course my thoughts:

1) Dakota Fanning -I'm okay with this. Dakota has acted with all my favorite leading men and has held her own while most of the other female leads in Hollywood can't say the same. She may not be that exciting to watch with no downward spiral of drug or alcohol abuse going on, but she is only ten, give it a few years.

2)Jamie Foxx - I am luke warm about this guy. He did a good job portraying Ray Charles and probably deserved that Oscar but keep in mind he also made the movie Stealth in the same year. What's facinating is that people went to see him in "Ray" after seeing "Stealth".

3)Condoleeza Rice - 1st African American woman to be Secretary of State. A lot of people don't like her and she does work for "W" but I'll give Barbara this one.

4) Terri Hatcher - America's self declared "biggest has-been" is a Desperate Housewife. My friend Aaron made an observation a while back: her character supposively works at home as a children's book illustrator but never once on the show has she ever worked or even eluded to working...hmmm. I don't hold that against her...perhaps the writer's don't want to test her range as an actress acting since she isn't that great at it. She hot but yeah, kind of whiney. Does hotness make you facinating? Pam Andersen could have easily been here instead under this criteria.

5) Thomas Mesereau - This guy was Michael Jackson's defence attorney. He told Barbara that the "trial was a disgrace". Okay, but you got him off and then you turned around and got Robert Blake off. Way to play into the disgraceful system. Facinating? well lawyer jokes aside he's just doing his job. His hair on the other hand...

6)Lance Armstrong - The world is all about Lance. He's great. I love him. Lets interview him again because there has to be something we haven't heard out of this guy from all the other interviews he's been in...His story is facinating, hearing it for the 30th time isn't.

7)Beth Holloway-Twitty - Mother of missing girl who disappeared in Aruba last fall. Pulling on the heart-strings of viewers, Barbara picked her because she is still leading the investigation and the whole situation is a tragedy. America might ask what kind of parent lets their daughter go to a foriegn country on her own, but then again what kind of parent continues to search for their missing kid after six months missing when it seems the rest of the world has thrown in the towel.

8)Tom Cruise - Barbara must have a crush of this fist pumping, couch bouncing, toothy grinning star. He's not facinating. He was when he was the dreaming pilot on Top Gun or intense lawyer in A Few Goodmen but face it, Tom has shot himself in the foot by opening his mouth and consenting to interviews without first consulting anybody. Now, he needs some image work. I would like to put Katie Holmes on the spot and ask her how the conversion to Scientology is going. Katie has been pretty quiet and has sounded a little rehearsed compared to Tommy. I saw a guy selling a shirt the other day that said "Free Katie" and had a good laugh!

9)Kanye West - "George Bush hates black people" Comments like this just fly out of his mouth (he has the same problem Tommy does) and he picks a hurricane relief telethone to voice his oppinion, poor Mike Meyers. It's like a few years ago when he went to the media and made a big deal out of not getting any nods for Grammys. Pick your battles Kanye and more importantly, find more appropriate ways and times to express your views where people will take them seriously. This has nothing to do with your race and everything to do with you. Barbara doesnt' get that either.

10) Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall - last and least? I don't have anything against Cami, but why is she facinating? She hooked up with Charles, ooh! the drama! People tend to focus more on Di and Chuck's boys.

I won't end there. I'll offer a few suggestions just to help Barb out:

Stanley Tookie Williams - He is a convicted killer in California who founded the Crips gang in 1971. He since has become an antigang activist while in San Quentin State Prison and has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize five times. He also has been nominated for the Nobel Prize in literature for the childrens books he has written. Stanley was just denied his final appeal and his final chance for a pardon is for a governor's pardon as he waits to be exceuted by lethal injection on December 13th.

Paul Blank - He is the campaign director of "Wakeup Walmart" an organization that is urging America to cut off Walmart cold turkey and is spreading allegations that Walkmart is bad to it's employees, the environment, and communities. This is catching on nationally and they have a website (www.wakeupwalmart.com) check it out. Somebody should sit down with this guy and give him a chance to defend those nice Walmart greeters.

Steve Mariucci - This is the former Lion's coach, recently sent packing. After a heated debate over why the Lions are so bad and who deserves to be blaimed, it is apparent to me after some research that Matt Millien, president of the club since 2001 should be in the dog house as well. I'm not putting it all on Millien but since taking the reigns he is the one who recuited most of the players that played under Mariucci. In spite of the teams losing record since 2001, Millien also managed to get a five year extension before this season even started. Facinating!

Julia Roberts - She is the highest paid actress in the world. The fact that she can act is a plus too, you can't help but like her. Dakota and she should do a movie together. $20 Million a flick! This is after taking this year off and having twins. She is standing toe to toe with the likes of Mel Gibson and Bruce Willis. You go girl!

Maj. Monte Anderson - Project leader at ScorpWorks an internal division within the Air Force Research Lab Energy Directorat. He and his team made a weapon called a Phaser-Personal Haulting and Simulation Response. It is a new defense weapon that uses a laser system and through bright intensity affects vision and mobility. It looks like something out of Star Wars I saw a demo on MSN and am just getting my vision back. Haven't you always wanted to ask a question starting with 'Major Monte'...? Well now you do.

I'm Thankful

I thought it fitting to list some of the things I am thankful for this year and as I break break with loved ones tomorrow I will be considering them in the true spirit of Thanksgiving.

1) My Remote Control: While channel surfing last night I landed on ABC a few times. The first time was when Lindsey Lohan was "performing" a song..I don't say sing because they amped up the choir and the guitars around her so you could barely hear her. When I did though my ears started bleeding and I was overcome with nausia! Good Lord, who let a mike come within ten feet of that girl. Luckily my trusty remote in hand I went to FOX where I watched my current favorite show "House". During commercials however I bravely turned back to ABC in time to see Cyndi Lauper and Sarah MCLachlan performing "Time After Time". This inspired performance was a treat and redemed my faith that there are still musicians in the mainstream with talent.

2) 105.7 FM: All Christmas music all the time! This radio station in the Lansing area switches over to this programing the whole month of December. Love it!

3) Friends: I am talking about people who keep the door open and always have an extra seat at their table. The ones who gratiously let you rant on their blue couch about the very subjects I obsess over in this blog and give you a fresh perspective. They encourage you when you are against the impossible and offer a quick witted comeback when you are being impossible. They make you laugh till it hurts (Aaron) and share an unhealthy obsession for 80s music (Jessie). Those two kindred souls I have in mind prove to me that family is not just defined by relation.

4) Health: I pray for the two family members are battling canser and fight everyday in hopes of beating the odds. I also pray for those who aren't sick or struggling with disease. May they realize and be grateful for the abilities they have because our bodies are fragile and health can be fleeting.

5) Snow: I'm perhaps the only person in a twenty mile radius who loves the snow today. It makes everything appear clean and no one can resist pausing for a moment to watch it dance to the ground. I also get a kick out of watching this poor guy on his snowblower just outside my window compete with the road plows. Everytime he finishes the sidewalk, a street plow comes by and covers up his work. This is not a job for a prefectionist, but he is out there again working just as hard. He's probably just jazzed he gets to use his plow. For a small thing it certainly kicks up a lot of powder.

Well all for now. Perhaps if I get a minute this weekend I'll let you in on the massive chaos that is holiday gatherings in my family. For now I am bundling up and hitting the road. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

The Best Thanksgiving Quote Ever

"I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old fashion way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land."

The Kalamazoo Promise - Investing in the Future

The story broke late last night just before Kalamazoo's school board meeting . A group of anonymous donors is underwriting a program that pays the college tuition for highschool graduates of Kalamazoo Public Schools. To see the press release and details of this program, check out the school's website: www.kalamazoopublicschools.com.

This kind of measure is unprecedented in our nation but I believe is long over due. I would like to extend a thank you to these donors who are teaching us that a community should be more invested in its public education system and strive to ensure the success of it's young residents. For a district whose drop out rate is near 11 percent, taking away the financial barrier of pursuing higher education will definitely strengthen the schools. Other benifits will be prevelent in the housing market, jobs and industry. An investment in public education is an investment in the future.

Zen and the Art of Garbage Truck Driving

On my daily commute today, I was behind a garbage truck. It was rusty with a really bad brown paint job. This is nothing special, but what surprized me was in huge block letters about half way up the rig. It read, "Friends are like money. They are easy to get and hard to keep." Not only did I find it funny because it is not a quote I would associate with garbage but this garbage man behind the wheel proceed to cut off two cars as he was weaving around traffic. Very Bazaar!

Now I could be prejudging a very insightful person, I mean it's a good quote. Why would you choose that one for a garbage truck? What about something involving the environment or nature? Here is one I like: "In every walk with nature, one recieves far more than he seeks"-John Muir. If you prefer the less sophisticated for your trash collection try, "One man's trash is another man's treasure; thanks for contributing to my collection.", "I break for garbage...and for running down the recycling truck!", or "If you can read this you are about to be compacted."

Halloween Musings

What a day! The ghosts, the goblins, witches, droves of sugared up children raiding the streets, costumes to choose, fake spiders and silly string to be had...Halloween is a fun holiday. I thought I'd sit down for a minute and reminisce about how I celebrated over the years.

One thing that struck me is how some costumes and get ups that were really cool when I was little, have lost their appeal. Times have changed. I guess everyone notices this when they get older but I am a child of the 80s. I remember when it was cool to want to dress up as Madonna or Michael Jackson. Don't get me started on Michael! Madonna? she has reinvented herself so many times since her days of being the Material Girl, I think it would confuse people to show up as a Kaballah, red bracelet wearing Esther(her new Jewish name) or the Goth, Hindu body-art wearing Madonna we loved in the nineties.

Here are a couple other random observations about Halloween:

1) What the heck are you passing out this year to trick-or-treators? If you are planning on passing out apples, pennies, or anything healthy (I once got a mini tube of toothpaste!) DON'T DO IT! If it is for the principle of doing something responsible atleast throw in something covered in chocolate as well. It is so disappointing for a child to have to fake their appreciation for this stuff. They spend the evening out in the cold, baring the elements, and bravely knocking on strangers doors. They have a goal and that is obtaining a large about of candy. Beware as well. Kids talk to eachother out there on the street. Your house will be branded as the place that is okay to skip and later in the night you'll be a big target for tipee! This goes for those who pass out gift certificates to MacDonalds or any icecream shop. Nothing is worse than being pimped by corporate America. Best to go with straight up candy.

2) Costumes? For kids, be creative. Don't dress up like Brittany Spears or Ashley Simpson. Belly mid-driffs and caked on make-up is not cool and it can be very cold out on the candy trail. Shame on your parents for letting you dress like a whore and shame on you for not portraying someone with a shred of talent. For college-aged and up, don't dress up as Austin Powers. I'm sick of going to Halloween costume parties and seeing like ten versions of him. It's over-done and annoying. Need ideas? classic cartoon characters(Flintstones, super hero's, smurfs), vampire, old lady, school girl, etc....

If you are not creative, be a ghost. All you need is a bed sheet. The ability to levitate is a bonus. I was once at this party and a person showed up as a ghost. No one knew who it was all night. Around 2a.m. when we it anymore we pulled it off to reveal this guy who we all though was out of town and he was dressed as a killer. It was very Scoobie Doo.

3) The art of passing out candy...These kids want their candy and they want it now. They will say thank you and might even explain their costumes for a minute or two. Saying that you would like them to do a trick is confusing and can have bad repercussions, this goes back to being a target as explained earlier. My friend and I were asked to do a trick once and we took the treator by surprise by my friend doing a handstand on their porch. She proceeded to land on a bush, knocking over three plants and cracking a few pots. She got sick from being upsidedown and proceeded to throw up on a rose bush. She didn't mean to do that of course but jokes on this treator, it was his fault for saying "trick".

Well that is all I have for now. Hope you are all safe tonight and enjoy!

Observations at Random...Flu, Flo, Flun

I am almost back to 100%. I spent all last week dooking it out with the stomach flu; hence the reason no one has heard or seen me in a few days. I had a hectic week before, so it was no surprise I got sick. As I was curled up in my make-shift bed on the tile of my bathroom floor in front of the porcelain thrown I had a little time to think:

When you have the stomach flu.....

1) Trying to "sweat out" a fever does not work and anyone who swears by it is sadistic!...I had a 101 degree temp and decided to go for a run. My younger brother does this a lot and swears it works. I got about a quarter mile away and even though I swore there was nothing left in my stomach after two days of emptying it, guess what?...if you can't guess you are lucky, it wasn't a Kodak moment but a very colorful trail.

2) The question "How are you feeling?" is pointless question proceeded by telling someone they "don't sound well". Thank you Captain Obvious! When the person on the other end of the phone line sounds like a cross between Elmer Fudd and AC/DC, why ask if they are sick?

3) Even now, MacGyver still facinates me! Richard Dean Anderson is a genious and a legend of syndication! While sacked out on the couch in the middle of the night I found the beloved show I watched in the 80's when I still french roled my jeans and played with a rubix cube. I still have no idea what the Pheonix Foundation is nor it's purpose and why MacGyver, a doctor of Physics, seems to be the go-to-guy to save the world from terrorism, espionage, and illegal drug trafficing. All of this of course done with a cup of yogurt and a number two pencil.

4) I love kids. They are great. After a few family gatherings though I wonder why parents insist on bringing them to get-togethers when they are running temps, snotty nosed, and cry most of the time they are there. A relative of mine insisted that their child needed to be included regardless because it was important to them. Mean old people coined the name "carrier monkey" for this reason. Please people, keep your sick kids in bed and home. I know who got me sick and next time I come down with something I am paying you a visit!

5) An apple a day does not keep the doctor away. In factI use to down tons of carrots so I wouldn't have to get glasses one day. Guess what? That was a lie too.

6) The best way to get people at work to leave you alone so you can get some work done is to tell them your still a little ill. Nobody came near my desk the whole day on Friday and kept the noise down so it would disturb me. They peaked in from time to time to ask me if I wanted tea, but I just added a little sad cough to make them extra skiddish.

7) Even though cough drop includes a small amount of alcohole, it is impossible to get any kind of buzz off of them from eating a bunch...mixing medications-especially expired ones is another story.

8) If it says to take one, take two. If it says for night-time only, take it anyway (always better to be unconsious and sick if you have no where to be). You forget what you say is half of the phone calls you have as well so the next time you see them is always an adventure. I also was thankful to be a bit out of it when the second half of the MSU game came on. That was a hard one to take, even with heavy sedation!

So yeah, on the mend and all for now!

Tis' this Season not the next one!

Attention all people decorating for Christmas....It's October 1st! Shelf that stuff for another two months, you yule obsessed psychos. Same with all retail outlets and stores, why are you displaying your over-priced, cheesy ornaments and gaudy sweaters so early? Yeah, I know its a money thing. I hate this. Every year it gets worse. There is this movement out there to begin the Christmas season earlier and earlier every year. On my drive into Lansing this morning I passed a place that is notorious for over-decorating with lights and plastic santas and reindeer to boot. When I say over decorating, I'm equating that to Martha Stewart on speed times twenty. Way too much going on in that yard.

Have these people no repect for the season we are in. Fall is my favorite. The leaves change and then fall. You get the fun of dressing up for Halloween, bobbing for apples, jumping in leaf piles, and drinking apple cider. There's football tailgating on campus, color tours up north, picking apples, deer hunting season....I could go on and on. Now I don't understand how anyone in good conscience live in Michigan and not appreciate all that the fall has to offer.

Right now is the big build up to Thanksgiving...not Christmas. Now that I think about it isn't Thanksgiving a more virtuous holiday anyway? Christmas you over load on greed while the worst you can do on Thanksgiving is glutiny. To counter this arguement though Thanksgiving is a historical reference to the Europeans interaction with the Native Americans and the Eurpoeans annilation of a race with disease and trickery.....so yeah scratch that idea.

This enry is a plea to all fellow normal people. Boycott this early holiday stuff. Everything goes on sale after Thanksgiving anyway. As for the guy decorating today, we should get a group together and go steal his Rudolf off his sleigh display!!